Thursday, June 25, 2015

Anger Management Roundup

Naomi Campbell has been assaulting her assistants since '98. Alec Baldwin frequently gets hot under the collar and once called his daughter a rude, thoughtless pig. Christian Bale went on a heated tirade and threatened and belittled the director of photography on a movie set. Michael Richards shouted some naughty words that ended his career and Mel Gibson…well, let's just say he shoulda stopped at "sugar tits." What do they all have in common? They could all use some anger management. Come to think of it, the rest of us can use some anger management too. Some cars are like that. The Dodge Ram just screams abusive dickbag at the wheel and the Plymouth Fury is not so nice either. Some cars even have what appears to be a snarling, growling pissed off robot turtle face. Ya gotta admit, angry, aggressive cars are kinda cool. That's why we have this roundup. So sit back, grab yourself an Angry Orchid cider and try, if you can, to turn that frown upside-down while we show you some angry and aggressive cars. You dickbags!

Sam Sir Manperson starts us off on the hissy fit that is the Prowler GT-FR. Prowlers are not such nice people, as it turns out. Clearly they haven't been hugged enough. Or maybe too much.

Prowler GT-FR

Sam comes back later with an all important question? What do you think of when you think aggressive and menacing? He tells us me after a bad roundup is his first choice, but second would be a shark…especially the mako or great white. But unlike me, sharks are beautiful creatures with perfectly streamlined bodies and was inspiration for this entry.

Shark inspired 4-wide

Later Sam asks, How do you make an aggressive car more aggressive? he likes to start his entries with a question, apparently. If you guessed a super up engine and flames, you'd be dead wrong. The answer...Ridiculous rear wings, grills, slats and winglets, obviously.


Probably the angriest LUGNut of all is Ralph Savelsberg. Don't let that mild mannered doctorate degree fool ya, Ralph is a seething cauldron of hate. Take this Mitsubishi Eclipse, f'instance. Well, OK, unless Mitsubishi means "dickbags" in Japanese, its not such an angry name, but it does have an aggressive monster under the hood. It also starred in a little art house film called The Fast and the Furious.

The Fast and the Furious Mitsubishi Eclipse

Ralph comes back for round two and pounds out another ripshit entry, this one the Ford Falcon Interceptor from Mad Max starring Mel Gibson. Both Character and actor could use a little anger management. Its a bad day indeed when you are court ordered to publicly apologize to every Jewish person who has ever lived.

Mad Max Ford Falcon Interceptor

No stranger to having to apologize to the entire Jewish community is Nathan Proudlove. He boasts what is clearly the angriest and scariest entry of them all, the Red Roaster from the video game Angry Birds Go.

My entry for this month's LUGNuts challenge, Anger Management. The Red Roaster from Angry Birds Go.

In what can only be described as a furious rampage, Peter Blackert once again pounds out a slew of angry entries that makes you wanna punch Justin Bieber in the balls. Who hasn't wanted to do that, right? Long before anyone was a Belieber, there was this demonic Plymouth Fury who went by the name of Christine.

Plymouth Fury 1957 - Modified (Christine - Stephen King)

Whether it be the Ram or the Viper seems everything Dodge makes bears a name that conjure the spirit of unbridled belligerence. No exception to this rule is the 2015 Dodge Charger SRT Hellcat.

Dodge Charger SRT Hellcat (2015)

Leading the pack of angry cars for Dodge is the aforementioned Viper launched in '92 and shown here in Kermit green. Cuz if there's one thing you think of when you think of anger, its Kermit.

Dodge Viper RT/10 - 1994

Miss Piggy, however…bit on the snippy side. Switching over to Ford side now, is the Mercury Cougar Eliminator pictured here with a cougar as in big cat as well as a cougar meaning a sexy mature lady who prefers the company of younger men.

Mercury Cougar Eliminator Hardtop (1970)

Speaking of Susan Sarandon, if she doesn't mind something produced in '71, I'm down for hanging out, watching Game of Thrones, playing video games, whatever. Call me, baby. As most of my relationships end in restraining orders, then she may like instead this '71 Ford Falcon.

Ford Falcon XY GT-HO Phase III (1971)

Peter then teams up with Ralph for a pair of angry rides, this one the Night Rider, a black clad Ford Falcon that was chased by Ralph's Interceptor. Apparently things did not go well for the Night Rider.

Holden HQ Monaro MFP Interceptor (Mad Max)

Peter angrily pounds out some more belligerent Australian muscle, this time the 1985 Holden VK Commodore SS Group 'A', nicknamed the 'Blue Meanie', due to the fact it was the only color the car was available in.

Holden VK HDT  Commodore SS Group-A 'Blue Meanie' (1985)

If two wheels are more your way to get your rocks off, why not try out the Ducati Monster 1100 EVO, the 2010 edition of the iconic 'naked' bike, equipped with the largest factory engine on any bike. Booyeah!

Ducati Monster 1100 EVO Custom (2010)

You can just assume anything from the mid 60's and Pontiac was angry. Here's the 1966 Pontiac GTO, sort of the bar that was set for all muscle cars to follow. Mad Max would be proud!

Pontiac GTO Hardtop (1966)

All this talk of Mad Max. Fury Road was awesome! The main character was thankfully not played by the washed up anti-Semite Mel Gibson, but rather new guy Tom Hardy, who was an excellent choice. He doesn't seem to have anger issues in real life but he's played some belligerent baddys, namely Bronson, Bane and now Mad Max. Here is his Interceptor.

Ford Falcon V8 Interceptor Rebuild (Mad Max - Fury Road)

Not as intimidating as Mad Max but just as angry is Michael Douglas in Falling Down. In the movie he goes ape poopy over the price of tuna fish…or something. Here's his brown '78 Chevette that got him started on a downward spiral into madness.

Chevrolet Chevette 5-Door Hatchback (1978), From the Film 'Falling Down' (1993)

Seems Peter's Chief Engineer at his company is due to pick up a 2016 Ford Mustang Shelby GT 350R Coupe. Just look at that color and styling! Its enough to turn anyone irate. Like punch Justin Beiber in the balls irate.

Ford Mustang Shelby GT 350R (S550 - 2016)

Turns out K.I.T.T. from Knight Rider had a mortal enemy named…K.A.R.R. or Knight Automated Roving Robot. If K.I.T.T. is a bit of a nerd and a wuss, K.A.R.R. was its bad boy counterpart.They apparently duke it out in a mid-season rumble. I guess it wasn't cool enough for a season finale.

K.A.R.R. - Knight Industries Roving Robot (Knight Rider TV Series - 1984)

I'm not sure if it has an aggressive name, but the Ferrari F12 Berlinetta is plenty fast and furious. Still it sounds like a ballet dance move. Like the pirouette or the arabesque.

Ferrari F12 Berlinetta (2012)

I can still hear the signature horn blast from the movie The Car. This dark beast, designed by George Barris, is evil incarnate. You truly owe it to yourselves to track down this 1977 classic film.

The Car ('The Car' - 1977)

Lastly Peter pounds out this '71 Hemi 'Cuda. if you're wondering how that is an aggressive name, you'd have to be in a coma to know that 'cuda is short for barracuda, a fish that instills lifelong fear at first sight.

Plymouth 1971 HEMI 'Cuda Hardtop

New guy No7erics renders his own concoction called a Thirmo…aggressive cuz it probably makes you think of "thermometer" or "thermal detox pants." I believe it may be a misspelling of Thermo. Either way, I'm not sure if this could be built with real LEGO bricks in that color. Remember, every time you render something that can't be built in real life, God kills a kitten.

THIRMO Café Roadster (Concept car) 003

If anyone needs anger management its Darth Vader. I mean, seriously, he finds out Luke and Leia are his obnoxious kids and they've kissed. Its enough to turn any Sith dad to the Dark Side. That's why Lino Martins rolls out with the Darth Vader Hotwheels car to take the edge off all that anger.

Darth Vader Car

Besides having a not very aggressive name, F@abs conjures up something with an equally non-aggressive name, the Peugeot Lanius. How about the Ford Sunflower or the Chevy Poutine? What it lacks in aggressive name more than makes up for it in cool design, anyway.

Peugeot Lanius (01)

Satisfying both this challenge and the future of McLaren contest over at Rebrick, Peteris Sprogis pounds out four concept McLarens that don't quite deserve their own write ups. What? You rehash from another contest and I have the right to put forth a minimal effort in my write up. Its only fair.

McLaren conceptcar

McLaren design studio

McLaren PLM 1

McLaren E_11

Nathanael L says he's not even sure if this is angry enough but he submits a Nola Vivace anyway. The color is aggressive enough but it could use more shark fins. Maybe even a bear trap on the hood. A flaming skull would not be without its charms.

Nola Vivace S (1)

With plenty of shark fins, bear traps and flaming skulls to go around, Tim Inman demonstrates the purpose of this whole damned build challenge…to showcase badass cars from Mad Max: Fury Road. The vehicles were the star of the show, and arguably the biggest and baddest star of them all was The Gigahorse.

Mad Max: Fury Road "The Gigahorse"

And that brings us to a close of our all aggressive, all angry build challenge. Did you turn that frown upside-down or did it only serve to make you angrier? I've got something that can take the sails out of any murderous rampage. Caitlin Jenner! What? For a 65 year old broad who like 10 minutes ago was a weird-faced former Olympic medalist named Bruce, she's looking pretty good. You should look so good when you turn 65! Anyway, what does the future of this blog hold besides an abysmal readership and more jokes about poutine and transgendered olympians? How about Stuck in the 90's…all about cars, trucks, and bikes from…when, you guessed it, the 90's! It's sure to be chock full of 90's references like Zima and bib overalls, so come on back next month to see how we do. In the meantime, get off my lawn, dickbags! And we wonder why our readership is so low.

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