Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Designing the Ralston Tiger Roundup

I'm just gonna come out and say it. I loathe Magic cards and sometimes even the people who play them. I'm also not into the Dungeons and Dragons role playing lot, either. I loathe their greasy hair, their pitted complexions, their slouched backs and their rotund bellies protruding out from under billowing piratey shirts. I can't stand their pompous way of speaking...I'm a level 14 Paladin with a charmed long sword of Karnath with a mastery level of 42 blabbity blabbity blah. You'll never, ever find me playing such a game where you battle opponents using a meticulously cultivated deck of cards. Never! Ever! Unless, of course, you swap out dwarfs and elves with superheroes, make it as a easy to learn app on your phone and call it Marvel War of Heroes. Then I'm in with both thumbs pressing the attack button! And God help the next level 43 Spiderman who thinks he can take me down! I am a level 46 Hulk-Buster Iron Man, goddamnit, and no one can mess with me. AND, I have not, one, not two, but all SIX Swords of Proficiency so y'all can just get bent! What? Was it something I said? OK, OK, I know I said I'd never play such a game but this is Marvel War of Heroes and...I don't know, they make it seem cool somehow. The charmed long sword of Karnath is waaaaay different from the Emerald Sword of Proficiency. One is dorky, the other is chock full of awesome...they're not even in the same boat! Plus I get gushy in the pants with anticipation over what new card will I get next. Will it be a super rare(Freedom's Friend)Captain America or an ultra rare(Enemy Inside)Hulk? You just never know. OK, who's the nerd now? Anyway, it seems we have a roundup to do. This one is called Designing the Ralston Tiger...all about designing the...uh...Ralston...Tiger. What is this Ralston Tiger we speak of? Its anything you want it to be. Its a concept vehicle you design from the ground up for the fictitious, yet highly affluent Ralston family. They only require the letter "X" somewhere in the design to honor their great, great grandfather Xavier Ralston...the rest is pretty much up to you. How did we do? lets check it on out, shall we?

Tim Inman shows us all how its done with his rendition of the Ralston orange and black mid-engine super car. Like a real tiger, this Ralston is known for its breath-taking agility and speed. This early in the roundup, I just don't have any jokes about Tim paying for strange. Guess we're gonna have to settle to enjoy this awesome car for awhile longer.

Ralston Tiger

Lino Martins takes a page from Tim's mid-engine super car design book except its more of a black car with dark orange interior. The seats are attached to the suicide doors for easy egress...probably a first and maybe for good reason. Eerie orange light illuminates from within, which sort of looks like its breathing fire. It spawned jokes that I failed to build a tiger but succeeded at building a dragon.

2014 Ralston Tiger

The design required an "X" and Angka Utama finds a unique solution by making the entire frame in the shape of an "X" with this sleek racer. Xavier Ralston IV mans the helm. Or is it the wheel? Or joystick maybe? Or one of them racing steering wheel thingies that's shaped like a bow tie. What are they called?

Ralston Industries 'Tiger'

Doesn't matter what they're called cuz Jonathan Derksen builds a Ralston Tiger that's part Deora, part super-car and part spacecraft. It has one seat, one V-12 engine...and that's it. I'm pretty sure it can make it across the salt flats in just seconds and from the looks of it can fertilize your girlfriend's eggs just as fast. What? Oh, c'mon, you can't tell me you weren't thinking the same thing! Look at it!

Ralston Industries Tiger

Peter Blackert adds some much needed class to this joint with the Ralston Tigre IV luxury hardtop coupe. Its a...get this,...gas turbine hybrid. That means its jet engine will scare the bejesus outta you and everyone on else within 12 city blocks while its accelerating and recharge its reserves while its idling. And the Ralston family coat-of-arms is a nice touch.

Ralston Tigre - IV

The details may be subtle at first, but Lichtblau exhibits some brilliant parts usage with an all-terrain Tiger. With working suspension and  several X's hidden throughout, this makes a nice addition to the Ralston line. Even the driver has the X blazoned on his helmet and torso.

Ralston Tiger 07

Raphy's version of the Ralston Tiger comes with sensitive poetry by William Blake...something about Tiger, tiger burning bright and there once was a man from Nantucket...or something. The engine cover sports the family name in script and he challenges us to find the "X". I haven't found it. Cool car though.

IV - The Fruit

Many of us were inspired by the real tiger in one way or another. But Rolic takes the challenge very literally and has actually used features from a real tiger to inspire his build. This rugged concept pickup features black and orange stripes, whiskers and a cute red nose. Awww how cute. A tiger's cute red nose is the reason many people die at zoos. True story, bro.

Ralston Tiger

Speaking of zoos, Bad Furday returns to building with his rendition of the tiger. The X is very clearly depicted in red, while the rest is Ralston's answer to the Mazda Miata...Sporty, lightweight, and relatively inexpensive to own, as both a trackday car, or a daily driver. I learned that just now when I copy/pasted it.

The Ralston Tiger

Christophbrill gets a green place mat and a wrinkled blue sheet as his setting for his Tiger. It fits well in the highly competitive CSCUV (Compact Sport Crossover Utility Vehicle) market with the Ralston Tiger Kub. Nice.

Lugnuts 63- Ralston Tiger

Is that it? I think it is. This was thankfully a short write up, which gives me more time to slaughter Dr. Doom's minions. Plus there's a certain Level 48 Black Widow in New Orleans who could use a swift kick to the jimmy-junk. You know who you are, clownbarf77...if that's your real name. You played that Fatal Beauty stunt on me. Sure I was taken in my your boobies and your black jumpsuit...but did you have to rub it in my face by notably diminishing attack and defense of all my male cards? Its like you knew ahead of time my deck had more dudes in it than a YMCA locker room! And you're probably a sweaty fat dude in real life. I'll get you, my precious! But the fat Hobbit, he knows. Eyes always watching. Wait, what? Lord of the Rings references?! Have I joined the myopic sweaty, unwashed nerdy masses and became a gamer? Or will I redeem my cool status as a hot rodder? You'll just have to stick around for next month's roundup to find out. Its called Mad Motor Skills and its all about engines, mostly. Should be fun. Until next time, I'm off to find Storm's Purple Cape of Improbability. Oh, and I've got a (Legal Eagle) She-Hulk I'm willing to trade for a (Logan's Spirit) Wolverine. Anyone? Anyone? Hello?