LUGNuts turns eight this month and I couldn't be more thrilled! We are the longest lasting LEGO car club in the history of the world EVAR! To think, eight years ago we were a struggling little blog with only eight followers. Now we're…uh…hmmmm….yeah. Anyway, the birthday challenges are always a treat. Its sort of a gift for our dedicated builders and readers. We get to build from any previous challenge from the year and indeed throughout all of LUGNuts history. And since this challenge is called Happy Crazy Eighth Birthday, LUGNuts, I will crack jokes that pertain to both eight year olds and crazy people. Should be fun. So sit back, grab yourself a chocolate milk and a Jaegermeister with Red Bull and enjoy this here crazy-ass roundup, youngins!
Loek1990 is the first deranged nut-bag in our roundup. He goes back like four years into our sordid past to find the Alternate Fuels challenge and then rendered the 2015 Tesla Model X, which runs on electricity and is thus an alternate fuel.
Also four years ago, besides discovering peopleofwalmart.com, Lino Martins built a flamboyant 1955 Ford F-100 lowrider called Amazon Jade. Sometimes particular custom cars change hands and are redesigned, or in this case reincarnated, as evidenced by this classic hot rod inspired Dark Omen.
Sam Sirmanperson takes a break from playing dodge ball and pretending he's toaster (see, it works for both eight year olds and crazies!) just long enough to go way back into LUGNuts history to build this Toyota Supra for the Big In Japan challenge.
Because he got two "hell yeahs" and a Hail Mary, Sam comes back with the Fast and Furious Supra, which fits into "Big In Japan", "The Scuzz and the Fuzz" and "Your Claim to Fame".
Later Sam comes back to build one of the hottest hot hatches of all time, which is the Lancia Delta HF Intergrale. Also, as a person who suffers from Tourette's Syndrome he shouts this mantra: What do we want? A cure for Tourette's! When do we want it? Penis!
Peter Blackert goes Back to the Future…several times, it turns out…to show us just how wrong they had it. Marty and Doc travel in their 80's DeLorean to October 21st, 2015 and find a flying Citroen DS. That time passed us a month ago and there is nary a flying car to be found, Citroen or otherwise.
Apart from the DeLorean time machine, the vehicle that sees the most action is Biff Tannen's 1946 Ford Super Deluxe Convertible. And by "action" we mean it gets a load of manure dumped on it. Twice! That's more "action" than some German dungeon porn stars see all month!
Another Peter-built BTTF car is Griff Tannen's ride. This 1980s BMW E24 633 CSi has been customised into a convertible and equipped the the flying car kit. A psychiatrist walks into a room and finds two of his patients. One is pretending to cut wood…
...While the other is hanging upside down from the ceiling. He asks one patient, "what are you doing?" He says "cutting wood. Isn't it obvious?" To which the psychiatrist replies, "what about your friend up there?"… Oh and Peter built the '48 Packard that a young Marty's mom tries to make out with her own future son in. Ewwww!
…The patient pretending to cut wood says," Oh him? He's a little nuts. He thinks he's a lightbulb." The psychiatrist then asks, "if he's your friend, shouldn't you get him down from there? To which the patient replies, "What, and work in the dark?!" Upon Marty's safe return to 1985 he found that his parents bought him his dream vehicle, a 1985 Toyota Hilux (or Tacoma in the US) 4x4 Pickup.
In keeping with the BTTF theme but changing up the scale a bit, Peter renders Doc's 1948 Packard Custom Eight Victoria in MotorCity scale. I had a chance to visit with Nathan in Montreal this month. While eating dinner with his family his charming eight year old asked me, "do you ever pray to God?" To which I replied, "Only when I'm throwing up!"
Once again Peter renders the 1985 Toyota Hilux 4x4 Pickup dream vehicle but this time in MotorCity scale thus satisfying the Size matters challenge. Seems Marty was a bit of a redneck. He'd find plenty of kindred spirits at peopleofwalmart.com.
Now Peter leaves BTTF for good to build…everything else under the sun! Cripes, I need a drink! That Jaegermeister with Red Bull is seeming like a good idea right about now. Challenge 31 - 'Kickin it Old School' was an opportunity to build vehicles prior to 1950. The Marmon S I X T E E N Convertible Sedan from 1932 certainly fits the bill.
Just like monster trucks, NASCAR and Caitlyn Jenner, the 1936 Cord 810 Coupe-Cabriolet is something you'll see Only In America…but not so much anymore. The Cord line died right around the time phonographs were all the rage.
Peter's job as a Ford engineer makes it so he can do nothing but the "LUGNuts In Real Life" challenge for years and still have plenty to do more. You see, he gets to change out cars like every ten minutes…so long as they are Fords. His current is a 2013 Ford Fiesta ST Hatch. If he wants to drive a Chevy he has to secretly talk to a guy who knows a guy behind a dumpster.
This 1995 Lamborghini Diablo Roadster is the car the 'Celebrity Mayor' of Geelong drives. He apparently made his millions from taking gossip-magazine snaps of celebrities in compromising situations. Wait, you can make millions doing that? I knew I should have got that shot of Brad Pitt wanking a guy behind a dumpster!
Next on the Peter slab is pretty much what happens when hyperactive kids don't get their Ritalin. This "Turkish Delight" is a 1971 Chevrolet Impala Hardtop 'Donk'. I once spilled a bottle of Ritalin on my Ford Fiesta. Now its a Ford Focus. Sorry, that was the only Ritalin joke I had.
Peter takes us to a more innocent time (one challenge ago) and renders the 1958 Ralston Tigre MkII-C Hardtop Coupe for the Designing the Ralston Legacy challenge. Incidentally, if you happen to have any number of mental illnesses you might be thrilled to learn there is a hotline that can help. If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6. If you are paranoid we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line and we'll trace your call. Oh and Peter built this 1959 Cadillac Series 75 LWB 6-Window Limousine.
And check out his 2011 VW Up! 5-Door Hatch. While you're at it, if you are delusional, press 7 and we will transfer you to the mothership. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
I'm really digging this 1937 LaSalle Opera Coupe. Also… If you are manic-depressive it won't matter which number you press. No one will answer you. If you have Tourette's Syndrome just shout obscenities into the phone.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until someone comes on the line. If you are dyslexic, press 69696969. While you're at it, check out Peter's Ford 1966 GT40/R Reproduction Racer.
Here's Peter's Ford Focus RS Hatch (C170 2002). Also...If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother’s maiden name.
If you have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, slowly and carefully press 000. If you have Bipolar Disorder, please leave a message after the beep, or before the beep, or after the beep. While you're at it, check out Peter's 2015 Dodge Challenger SRT Hellcat.
If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. Also try to remember this 2016 RS Hatch.
If you have low self esteem, please hang up. Our operators are too busy to talk to you. Oh and if you think it might cheer you up, then check out this 1977 BMW 320 Group 5 Racer - Art Car #3 designed by Roy Lichtenstein.
Well I cracked plenty of jokes about the crazies but what about eight year olds? Let's see, what do I have? I child's face can say a lot. Especially the mouth part of the face. A child's mouth part of the face might say this 1976 BMW 633 CSi Coupe is pretty neat.
Or it might say poo-poo bananas. Or it might tell the police where uncle Lino buried the bodies. You never can tell with kids. This Ford Australia 1952 Mainline Utility was built for the 52 Pickup challenge, all about '52 pickups or card games.
Check out this 1960 Ralston Greenacre Concept. When I was 8 I kept bugging my dad to take me to Disneyland. I would bug him everyday for months. Finally he drove me to a burned down abandoned warehouse and said Disneyland had burned down. And it was all my fault. That explains a lot about me.
OK, that never happened, but this is totally a true story! When I was in second grade I sat in the back of the room. This kid Brian sat beside me. From the corner of my eye, I saw him staring at me….Oh and check out this 1950 Buick Roadmaster Estate.
Then I looked at Brian and I was like…what? Then he stares at me for another moment and says "You wanna see a trick my dad taught me?" And I said "sure."... Oh, and Peter built this 1992 Buick Roadmaster Estate.
Check out this 2016 Toyota Tacoma TRD Offroad Double Cab Short Tray Pickup. ...Ok, so Brian slowly gets up and walks to the front of the room. I forgot to mention the teacher was up there, her back to us as she was writing on the board...
Peter shows some love for me with this Mountain Pearl 1953 custom Ford Pickup. ...By this point Brian is at the front of the room facing us. He seems nervous. The teacher still doesn't see him...
Peter shows some customization skills (sort of) by combining my Mountain Pearl with a wheelchair accessible1953 custom Ford Panel Truck I built and calling it Midnight Pearl. …So then Brian slowly turns away from the class...
His back is to us know. He bends slightly, grabs his pants in the back and tears them wide open! Underwear and all! The teacher turned, saw what he was doing, grabbed him by the shoulder and sent him to the principal's office. Check out this 2007-2013 Nissan Dualis / Qashqai J10.
The messed up part about this story, we have no idea if he finished showing us the trick. Why would his dad do such a thing? No one knew the answers because we never saw Brian again! Here is a 1963 Aston Martin DB5 Volante.
If your eight year old ever makes one of those homemade guitars out of a shoebox and rubber bands, don't just let him play it once or twice and throw it away. Make him practice for three god damned hours a day. Until his fingers bleed! He'll thank you later. Oh and hare's a 1932 Morgan Super Sports.
There are some famous crazy people. Tilda Swinton has sort of an unsettling intensity about her, not to mention rather gender-ambiguous looks. Turns out at the age of four she wanted to kill her baby brother. Also she didn't speak for five years! Check out this 2001Audi A4 Quattro Avant.
Speaking of unsettling intensity, Tom Cruise has it in spades. Granted it is always good to look someone in the eyes when talking to them but Tom is said to really make people uncomfortable with an in-your-face intense unrelenting stare. Plus there's that whole Scientology thing. Here's a 1924 Isotta Fraschini Tipo 8A F.
Check out this 1958 Facel Vega Excellence EX. When it comes to drug abuse and prostitutes, Charlie Sheen takes the cake…or the eight ball. He claims to have tiger blood running through his veins and he calls going nuts and getting fired from the highest paid job on TV "winning". As per the latest news it seems that tiger blood is tainted with HIV.
Words barely scratch the surface when it comes to describing the insanity of Gary Busey. A single look is all one really needs to determine that he’s out of this world. Turns out a motorcycle accident damaged the part of his brain that governs social interaction. How do you like this '58 111 Limousine?
Peter adds some much needed claas to this joint with this MotorCity 2013 CLAAS Axion 850. Also being crazy isn't just for actors. Martin Luther was the founder of the Lutheran church. He professed that salvation is a free gift from God, rather than something to be earned. He also ate a spoonful of his own poop every day.
Former US president John Quincy Adams believed in mole people that lived in the center of the earth. Former president Lyndon B. Johnson liked to show people his…Johnson whenever the mood struck him. Check out this sweet 2005 Ferrari FXX Evoluzione.
Here's a 1953 Chevrolet Bel Air Hardtop Police Cruiser. Nikola Tesla played a major role in the discovery of radio, A/C electricity, computers, robotics and nuclear physics. He also was cripplingly obsessive compulsive, a germophobe and refused to touch anything round. Before entering a building he would walk around the block 3 times and only stayed in hotel rooms divisible by 3.
Peter was glad to revisit is Mad Max Ford Falcon XB Hardtop Coupe V8 Interceptor. I bet he was also glad Mel Gibson was replaced by Tom Hardy. Seems Mel has been quite vocal about his dissatisfaction against, most notably, black people, women, and Jews. Oh Mel, when will you ever learn?!
Take note, Mel. Here are things you can learn from an 8 year old. Garbage bags don't make good parachutes. A ceiling fan motor is not strong enough to propel a kid in Batman underwear abound the room, and this 1980 Ford Pinto 3-Door Runabout ESS is coo-coo bananas.
A ceiling fan motor is, as it turns out, strong enough to sling paint in every direction. And no matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still can't walk on water. But check out this 1972 Volkswagen do Brasil SP2 Coupe.
Other things you can learn from an 8 year old, "Play-doh" and "microwave" should never be said in the same sentence and if you're going to jump on a trampoline with a bowling ball, at least get the inevitable carnage on Youtube. And here's Peter's final entry, a 1960 Żubr A80.
AadenH Proves you can have a hot rod crazier than Gary Busey and Charlie Sheen combined. With a chassis as bent as a soviet sickle, this twisted ride can soothe the minds of any wacked-out nut job. Also an aluminum foil hat will keep the aliens from transmitting county western tunes into your brain.
Doesn't share well with others.
Calvin Sun's entry combines Back to the Future with Mad Max. This means in his movie, Mel Gibson drives 88 MPH through the Australian outback and goes back in time to nearly make out with his mom, then shouts drunken obscenities about black people, women, and Jews. I'd watch that, actually.
...Which was the plot line of at least one CHiPs episode, I'm sure. I watched that show religiously as an eight year old but I can't remember a single plot. Did Ponch and Jon solve crimes or just work on their tans all day? You'll have to ask Ralph Savelsberg as he built their Kawasaki motorcycles.
Pascal has gone back to the future to report that Octan bubble tops are going to be a thing soon. That seems about as likely as Bruce Jenner becoming a woman or Justin Beiber cleaning up his act. Wait…what? That happened? Huh!
Pascal goes back to the future again to find that the not too distant future is riddled with Akira style bikes in Gulf GT40 color schemes. That seems about as likely as Ben Affleck actually being good as Batman.
Even famed nutbag Danny Bonaduce dressed as Batman would look good driving this chromed-out two-toned hot rod by Bricksonwheels. Why even Adam West, the original Batman, who, by the way, is contractually obligated to never ever wear the Batman suit again, would look good driving this. Gotta wonder why that contract came to be.
Speaking of nutbags, Lance Armstrong lost his to cancer. (Ouch, that was low, even for me!) Which makes an awkward segue into The Big Rafalski making a glorious comeback by redoing his old Munster rod into a new Fast Cab Hot Rod. He was pretty stoked to be building again after so long.
Is that all of them? I think it is! Wow, I poked fun at children, people with mental disabilities, and even made a jab at the one-nut wonder Lance Armstrong. This could be the most culturally insensitive post since Mel Gibson drunkedly ranted about women, black people and Jews. Seriously, Mel, you shoulda stopped at "sugar tits". Anyway, what does the future hold for this blog? Barring I don't have to apologize to Caitlyn Jenner, Brad Pitt, Tilda Swinton, Tom Cruise, Charlie Sheen, Gary Busey, Mel Gibson, Justin Beiber, Ben Affleck, Danny Bonaduce, Adam West, Lance Armstrong, and children everywhere…we'll come back with a roundup for a little challenge we like to call Our First Wheels…all about toy cars. Whether yours be inspired by Hot Wheels, Matchbox Cars, Tonka toys or Monogram model kits, I literally can't see how that roundup can go badly. Tune in next month to watch me foul it up anyway! Same bat time, same bat channel!