Sunday, March 26, 2017

Dystopian or Utopian!...Roundup

We live in uncertain times. That was the opening line when I wrote last month's challenge. Then I went on with some weak examples supporting my reasons for doing a Dystopian or Utopian build challenge. What do you want? I was stumped for ideas! This is like the 112th build challenge and most of the brilliant ideas were already taken. You know what happens when I'm seriously tapped for ideas? An all French car challenge and lawd knows no one wants that! So let's hope this old noodle can still come up with interesting challenges for awhile. In the meantime, sit back, serve yourself either nectar of the utopian gods or sip the tainted kool-aid of a disenfranchised dystopian society and check out these Dystopian or Utopian automotive entries. This topic opens the door for several totally awesome ideas like Jetson flying cars, Blade Runner vehicles or gritty Mad Max vehicles, ironically, none of which were built for this challenge.

Instead, a guy named by promozm shows us what happens when you take the red pill and you end up in the matrix where everyone wears black vinyl outfits and can dodge bullets in slow motion. Here's the mysterious black Lincoln Continental from the series.

Lincoln Continental from The Matrix Trilogy

On the other hand, fe2cruz shows us a Utopian Classic Space, Blacktron, cartoony, future where society lives in leisure to play pretend races as '70s movies re-enactments. Sounds pleasant, actually. Let's reenact scenes from Jaws, shall we? We're gonna need a bigger boat.

BULLIT Space Chase Race 2068

Proving to be on the same wavelength, Sam Sir Manperson reasons that The Classic Space world has always looked like one of the happiest places on eart...well, one of the happiest places. Just look at the eternally manic Benny. He's chock full of sugar, caffeine or something.

Classic Space Buggy - FebRovery 2017 - 6-wide - Lego

Your fearless leader Lino Martins shows us that we are currently living in a dystopia for reasons that only people who can read more than 140 characters at a time would understand. This war has happened before; it was the north vs the south, but this time its smart vs. dumb. Right now, the dumb are winning but hey, at least we have guns and truck nuts!

1984 Murica-Mobile

When you take away funding for education, science, arts, environmental protections, health care, unbiased media, and social services all you have left is a zombie apocalypse. Also guns. And truck nuts. And lots of filth. Luckily Ralph Savelsberg built us Walking Dead's Daryl Dixon and his chopper to squelch away the filthy unthinking zombie masses.

Daryl and his chopper from The Walking Dead

Is that all of them? Five entries. Huh, I thought that would go better. I didn't even have time to drink my tainted Kool-Aid. Probably for the best. Anyway, are we all clear on what a dystopia and a utopia is now? Good. Now that we have that 7th grade civics lesson out of the way, let's see what happens when we wrap our considerable minds around cars designed for exhibition events. The greatest minds that have ever walked the earth can be found crushing cars in a monster truck, doing burn outs down a drag strip, or competing in a free-for-all demolition derby. Is there a Nobel Prize for most radical wheelie, must extreme burn out, or hottest car show girl? By golly there should be! Anyway, the challenge will be called...For Your Exhibition. What? I told you all the brilliant names have already been taken. Don't make me use the all French car challenge. I swear to Jeebus we'll all be swillin' French wine and cheese soon if you people complain! Now let's see if you've made it past the first 140 characters of this post. The proof will be in your intelligent and insightful comments in 3...2...1...

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

Supercars Vs. Muscle Cars...Roundup!

Artist, writer, and LUGNuts Founder Lino Martins was found alive but disoriented in a Texas well sources told our reporters last Monday. LUGNuts member and automotive enthusiast Raphael Granas was spelunking in the Texas well for some reason when he reached the bottom of the well and came upon a huddled figure of a man cowering in a pile of frog dung. "He had like this crazy beard and stunk like hell", Raphael told us, then went on to say "I figured he was a hobo. I was deciding between throwing him a quarter or giving him the business end of my taser when the disheveled man muttered something about grown-ass men playing with legos. Then I was damn! Is that who I think it is? Wanting to be sure I asked the stinky man; Do you ever pray to God?" To which he replied "Only when I'm throwing up." "When the guy chuckled at his own joke I was like holy bat turds, Batman! That's totally Lino Martins! I thought about hitting him with the taser anyway just for good times sake but I was like...nah." Sources close to the unkempt 45 year old confirmed that Lino had gone missing early in February mumbling something about Agent Orange. Then Raphael continued his account. "I was like, hey dude, did you finish the Supercars Vs. Muscle Cars roundup? The guys are sort of depending on you. Its been like 17 days." To which the man replied "What guys? Who are you? Are you the Supreme Leader, Cheeto-Face?" "Um, no, I'm Raphy." "Raphy, huh? Are you the uptight Netherlands physicist or the crazy Aussie engineer?" "Neither but you're a step in the right direction. You're starting to remember us. Now come to your senses quick and write that roundup!" OK, here goes...

A guy probably named Johnni D kicks of the new year and new challenge with a little entry from the muscle car category, an all black 1969 Pontiac GTO. He may or may not be a Portuguese pop star who works for LEGO.

1969 Pontiac GTO - Muscle Car

John Marshmallow has been with LUGNuts ever since its inception way back in 1783. In fact he's probably my Canadian Co-Founder. Or he might be an actual marshmallow. Details are a little fuzzy right now. But what I am sure about is this 2018 Aviator Milano XE2 Mark 2 supercar is rad.

2018 Aviator Milano XE2 Mark 2 (ZX2-2MRS)

Loek M, who I'm certain is the admin from California who's a die-hard Chevy guy who hates my jokes about paying for strange.. built us both a supercar and muscle car in the form of this McLaren in the shape of the MSO HS, and the Challenger Hellcat.

Muscle vs Super

Nothing in the name Ralph "Mad Physicist" Savelsberg sparks my memory. From that name, I cannot discern whatsoever what he does for a living, but I'm pretty sure he's the college age Polish kid who likes to slick his hair back. He goes way out of character for some reason and builds a movie car in the form of this Mustang Fastback GT390 from Bullitt.

Bullitt Mustang Fastback

Angka Utama is probably the short and punchy, wisecracking LUGNuts founder or he's a new coffee flavor...likely some sort of African dark roast by the sound of it. Either way he has built a Nuovo Stratos for the supercar camp.

New Stratos

Marco.qm, who is likely a Brazilian builder we haven't seen in forever or some sort of high quality wood, builds a Porsche 911, which neatly dances the line between supercar and muscle car.

Porsche 911 RWB

Later Marco, who, come to think of it, might be an exquisite pork chop, comes back to team up with Sam Sir Manperson and submits a supercar vs. muscle car pair with this Lykan Hypersport.

W Motors Lykan Hypersport

With a name like Sam Sir Manperson, I am pretty certain he can only be the dreamy Middle-Eastern car building hunk whom we all aspire to be like. I mean, have you seen that guy? Cripes, the muscles, the dreamy dark eyes and the perfectly bronzed complexion! Anyway, here's a '69 Chevy El Camino.

'69 Chevy El Camino - 10-wide - Lego

Lino Martins satisfies the muscle category and builds a '67 Dodge Charger Fastback. I know I've had a weird episode in a Texas well lately but I'm pretty sure I'm an Australian engineer for Ford. I look under the hood of a Ford and stuff that I probably designed. "G'day, mate!" Yep, I'm Australian.

'67 Dodge Charger Fastback

Flyboy0115 hopes that fictional cars are allowed with this Porsche inspired white car. Are they allowed? I have no idea, dude! I don't write the rules. You'll have to ask the talking bear that somehow prevents forest fires.

Porsche-type 6-wide MOC

Here's an update to our opening story; Raphael Grans rescued Lino Martins from the Texas well and after an extensive clean up, friends and family of Lino are happy to have him back...well, sort of. With each passing day, his memory is getting a little bit better but he still occasionally confuses hemorrhoid cream for tooth paste and still asks if that Polish kid has built any more movie cars lately. It is unclear what caused Lino to disappear for 17 days and end up in a Texas well in the first place. No one can decipher who Agent Orange or the Cheeto-Faced Supreme Leader is. When asked about his time in the well, Lino just stares wide-eyed and babbles. "I've seen things, man! I've seen....things! Far out things!" He also occasionally mutters that the Dystopian Or Utopian challenge is coming. No, seriously. I'm not being batshit crazy. The Dystopian or Utopian challenge is coming, man! War is peace! Freedom is Slavery! Ignorance is Strength! Sure, Lino. Sure it is. Here's your binky to calm your nerves. Now go beddy-bye. Night night.

In unrelated news today, President Donald J. Trump fabricated a terrorist attack in Sweden presumably to bolster support for his Muslim ban in the US.

Saturday, January 28, 2017

Cars Noir...Roundup

I think its safe to say that 2016 has been one rough year. The US elected a dangerous demagogue that'll probably incite a world war and there has been a record number of celebrity deaths...and that was all the way back when Prince bought the beautiful purple farm in the sky. 2016 just kept taking and taking until the bitter end. 2016 did give us something though...the secret to success and making millions. I will share this secret with you, but first check out our final challenge of the year, a dark and dreary one we like to call Cars Noir...all about cars, trucks and bikes with a dark palate or a dark purpose. This is sort of like one of those dealios where you have to sit through a half hour of some timeshare bull crap in order to get your  Starbucks gift card. Except the carrot I'm dangling in front of you is the secret to success and acquiring millions. For realz, yo! But first, get yourself a mug of dark cocoa and spike it with a little Kahlua Midnight and let's look at some scary-ass cars:

Your own dark, dreary and occasionally scary-ass leader Lino Martins starts us off with a dark pair of cafe racers that are perfectly color swapped wherever possible. In the great words of LEGO Batman, "I only work in black and sometimes very dark gray."

Cafe Noir

A builder named By Promozm turns the lights down low and dials up the atmospheric ambiance with this noir street rod. The archway and streetlamp helps set that all important noir detective story mood.

Noir Street Rod

What do you do when you have eight books (or playstation games) just running amok all over the damned place in front of God and everybody? You do what Johnni D did and build yourself a pair of noir hot rod book ends to wrangle up those rowdy games. Very neat idea.

'32 Ford Roadster Pickup

Ralph Savelsberg asks the very important question; Is there a car more fitting for this challenge than one named "Black Beauty"? I didn't think so. here's The Green Hornet's stylish Chrysler Imperial. It's very black, obviously, and a bit bad-ass in a weird sixties sort of way.

Black Beauty from The Green Hornet

A dude named marco.qm chimes in with this dark red Nissan Skyline. It looks like some photo filtering trickery gives this image a grittier, drearier feel as well.

Noir Skyline

Later marco.qm drops in with the very same Nissan, only this time no color filters (proving its actually red, not dark red) and in front of the Eifel Tower. He asked if multiple entries was a possibility but we aren't quite sure if the very same entry counts.

From Japan to Paris

PauloD presents a minifig-scale Chevrolet Corvette C4 in what he describes as a shady scene. When I hear shady scene, I can't help but  imagining US's new president, some Russian hookers, some pee-pee and Vladimir Putin filming it all.


Am I the only one imagining such a scene? Rumors are a powerful thing. Anyway, Sam Sir Manperson pounds out a non-purist black Ferrari 288 GTO wide-body Nero with dark tan rims.

Ferrari 288 GTO widebody Nero - 13/15-wide - Lego

Next Sir Manperson chimes in again and pulls the same color swap trick I did with this dark gray Ferrari 288 GTO wide-body Stealthy.

Ferrari 288 GTO widebody Stealthy - 13/15-wide - Lego

Later Sir Manperson shows us that sometimes its all about the stance with this generic, non-specific car that could be A '92 IS400 or a 7-series or something like that.

Stance - 7-wide - Lego

Cruzen19501 very politely submits an entry he simply calls The Lowrider. It is apparently a more subdued black and chrome version of The Joker Lowrider from the new LEGO Batman movie, which looks totally hilarious.

The Lowrider

Awhile back Peter Plackert turned us on to the RANZ Motorsport customizing firm who specializes in tricking out odd choice (mostly) Japanese cars. There was a Hulk and a Clockwork Orange themed car, but now behold this murdered out RANZ Motorsports | Toyota Celica GT.

RANZ Motorsports | Toyota Celica GT

Mercedes goes and builds a sedan but gosh darn it, wouldn't you know it, we'd all  prefer a coupe. That's where Peter comes in with his ever increasing customization skills and this Mercedes-Benz W124 500 CE Coupe.

Mercedes-Benz W124 500CE Coupe

Sometimes when doing an all dark build challenge you think about things in the light. In this case, here is a pair of Tron Lightcycles. Peter goes on to say something about how Tron Legacy was not appropriate for children but I wouldn't know as I slept through much of it.

TRON-Bike - Tron Legacy (2010)

This Facel Vega HK500 Coupe is a Redo and Redemption of sorts for Peter. He built a dark blue one of these way back in '08 for one of our Agent Janus challenges so now here is the same car adorned in a very noir midnight black.

Facel Vega HK500 Coupe

It is fitting that we end 2016 and this challenge with the 'Last Ride' - a model of the very final model year for the Edsel, in this case 1960. The car line was a spectacular failure and many think the same of 2016.

Edsel 1960 Hardtop - Last Ride

That sums up our roundup for this month. So, what does next year bring for this fine blog? Well, we have a challenge called Supercars Vs. Muscle Cars that is sure to be an exciting start to our new year.
OK, you've been good. You've been patient. You've waited long enough. Time to share with you probably the one good thing that came out of 2016...the secret to success and making millions. You ready? Take notes if you have to, this is important, god damn it! Now grab yourself a pen and an apple. It doesn't matter if the apple is red or green. It can even be one of them Pink Ladies. They're a little pricey but you can't knock good quality. So anyway, you announce "I have a pen. I have an apple." Then you take that pen and jab it right into the apple. Go on, jab it in there nice and firm! Then announce "pen apple." Nathan, Ralph, Peter, you with me so far? Pretty straight forward, right? Now hang on a minute there, Sonny Jim! Don't go running off thinking you have your success and your millions just yet. You're only a third of the way there. All you have now is crap, so pay attention! Next you take a whole 'nother pen. Don't use the same pen that's currently jabbed in the apple. It has to be a whole 'nother pen. That's where a lot of people mess this up. Then you grab yourself a pineapple. And announce "I have a pen. I have a pineapple." Then go ahead and jab that sucker right into the pineapple. The rind is gonna be pretty tough so you gotta jam that in there good. Then go ahead and announce "Pineapple pen." Then you sort of pretend to jam them all together. Here's where it gets tricky cuz they switch it up a bit. Announce "Pen pineapple, apple pen." Throw in a cheetah print outfit and a kooky dance number and you have yourself the makings for instant success and millions...of views on youtube. You're welcome.