Friday, January 30, 2015

Steampunk Motorworks Roundup

MAD magazine affectionately calls their staff, "The Usual Gang of Idiots". We have our own usual gang of, Tim, Ralph, Peter, Raphy, Sam...sometimes Nathan...and all eight of our followers...all a bunch of regular idiots with nothing better to do but to hang around here, build cars (sometimes) and maybe laugh at a few of my dumb jokes. Then I had a brilliant idea...or so it seemed at the time. My friend, silent LUGNut, and all around steamy load, Guy Himber just wrote a book on Steampunk LEGO. If I had a challenge tie-in called Steampunk Motorworks, his influence would bring unusual gang of idiots...and then we all bask in the fame, glory, and sex that only Steampunk can bring! Sounds great, right? How'd that go? Still awaiting the fame, glory, and sex...but we did succeed in bringing in a couple of new and unusual idiots. Will they stick around? If they prove to be one-trick ponies and/or read this roundup, then probably not. As an added bonus, since Steampunk is such a steamy endeavor, I will write this roundup in the style of a bad erotic novelist. I can't see how that can go wrong! So pour yourself a Buttery Nipple, fetch yourself a soft and clean sock (you'll thank me later!) and prepare to have yourself blown. Your minds, that is. Minds blown. Not...never mind.

Peteris Sprogis rings our doorbell early and inserts his throbbing manhood into our firm, yet yielding challenge in the form of this hot and steamy Riga Steam.Works Machine1. It is apparently the very thing that all the Latvian ladies dream about as evidenced by its rather phallic shape. Soak it in, Latvian ladies!

Riga.Steam.Works- MACHINE_1

Over to Germany where they know all about pleasing the ladies with quick and concise German efficiency, Pascal asks the steamy question...What is better than one boiler? Two. Indeed. He answered his own question. Told ya Germans were efficient. Check out the hot, throbbing boilers on that beauty!

Model 2S

Voodoom heats up our frosty winter nights with this steamy, hot...The Snowmobile. Apparently this saucy strapless number pipes scalding hot steam directly into the cabin, keeping the driver cozy and scorched. Now that is hot!


No stranger to hot, steamy Steampunk nights...possibly new guy Dwalin Forkbeard and this hybrid of a 1930 Henderson and a Honda Joker. I looked up both bikes, they exist and they are 50 shades of awesome!

Victorian Henderson

AadenH leaves a Snail Trail everywhere he goes. Not sure how that is erotic, but an otherwise steamy Steampunk roundup, this low and blown ratrod is our dirty, filthy, shameful, sexy, slutty little secret.

Photo not available. :P

Peter Blackert knows that the postman always rings twice...or in his case nine times. If the movie holds any truth, its once to deliver your mail and once again to have a go with your Mrs. Peter demonstrates his ability as a repeat offender with this first of many entries, this one inspired by Mikhail Smolyanov's real life rides.

ARX-4 Steampunk Concept Motorcycle (Mikhail Smolyanov - 2012)

 Using a little more imagination (but not much, he says), Peter delights your Mrs. again with this titillating Steampunk interpretation of a 1960s era Formula racer in passionate blue and lusty red.

Lord Magnus Racing - #49

The farmer's daughter never looked so good...nor hard working. This saucy red Royal Express - Heavy Steam Traction Engine will plow any willing and eager crevasse with reckless abandon. And also your fields.

Royal Express - Heavy Steam Traction Engine

Here in steamy hot and sweaty Steampunk fashion is the alternative universe Ralston Steam Dragon. Funny, had I have written a third Ralston vehicle challenge it totally would have been a Dragon. I still might someday.

Ralston Steam Dragon Public Car

Peter thrusts hard and gets in good with some real live artists, in this case, famous French illustrator, Phillipe Bouchet (aka Manchu), with his rendition of Manchu's Steam Car. That's because he contacts them whenever he renders any of their work...a smart idea that can only lead to good things.

Manchu Steam Car (Philippe Bouchet aka Manchu)

 Peter rings again with another Mikhail Smolyanov creation, this time his Steam-Powered Land-Yacht. I didn't know it at the time, but Mikhail inspired my Copperhead of several challenges back, and he may have very well inspired this challenge. (hear that, Himber!) Maybe I should contact him and show him this steamy roundup. On second though, maybe I shouldn't.

Steampunk Steam-Powered Road-Yacht (Mikhail Smolyanov - 2014)

Yearning for more, your Mrs. begs for Peter to stop in yet again and this time he delivers a 1925 Doble E18 Murphy Limousine right across her eager, insatiable, upturned mouth. Wait what? Who writes this stuff?!

Doble E-Series E18 Murphy Limousine - 1925

Next the man-slab known as Peter erupts with this Steampunk Rolls-Royce Vintage Steam Explorer for our collective eager, insatiable, upturned mouths . This model is a variation of the Lego Hobby Series 1909 Rolls-Royce Silver Ghost, set # 395.

Rolls-Royce Vintage Steampunk Explorer

And finally, Peter pleases your Mrs. with this E20 Roadster, previously owned by Howard Hughes. Hey, at least Peter only visited your Mrs. nine times, as opposed to other challenges, which would have been like 40. By that point you could safely say the Mrs. you think you know is really up to no good at all. Or chock full of good, depending on your point of view.

Doble E-Series E20 Roadster - 1925

The 1970's was all about key parties, swinger's clubs, braless-ness, big mustaches, hot tubs...and also the Bond Bug microcar. The 1870's, however, if all those Jane Austen novels are accurate, were all about enticing the boys with just a tiny flash of ankle from beneath billowing Victorian hoop skirts. And this steam-powered Bond Bug as built by Yann.

A Steampunked Lego Bond Bug ...

Tim Inman unzips his pants and unleashes this hot, steamy, monstrous, brown load. Wait, what? I was trying to be all erotic there and boy, oh boy did that ever turn out wrong! Note to self: When writing erotic fiction, exclusion of the word "brown" would change the meaning entirely.

Steampunk Jeep Forward Control

But it's hard to write about Steampunk and not include mention of the ubiquitous brown as part of the color palate. Unless, of course, you're Lino Martins with this throbbing big, black monster. Because everyone knows, the black ones are always bigger.

Lucifer's Advocate

Get the Vaseline blurred lens, scores of scented candles, and a washed up 80's actress. Vinny Turbo goes all softcore Steampunk on us with this Bentrolls S Cloud in lovely not-brown, nor black, but a demure, yet alluring tan...appropriate for late night free cable but if you want the hard stuff you gotta pay for the premium channels.

Photo not available. :P

Vinny Turbo always rings twice and leaves us all quivering in a pool of our own seething desire as evidenced by this Six Wheeler from the "Epoque III" of the Steampunk Era. Its 50 shades of Vinny Turbo-tastic!

Photo not available. :P

Speaking of seething desire, the man-slab known as Ralph Savelsberg pounds out Nero's six-wheeled monster from that movie The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. When they say extraordinary, they must mean their ungentlemanly prowess with the ladies. Guess what ladies, Ralph is single...and probably will be for the rest of his life.

Photo not available. :P

Finally Captainsmog flexes his rock hard rippling Steampunk biceps and exposes us to the Brickish "Speed Demon MK.3", which is the first competitor in the famous 24 Hours of Steam. He finishes us all of and leaves us satisfied in a hot, breathy mess.

Photo not available. :P

Is that all of them? Yes it is. How'd we do? Well, I tried to be all bad erotic novelist about it but since we're all a bunch of dudes, the prose was all about rock hard biceps, throbbing manhood, and hot steamy loads...but no mention whatsoever of a woman's lustful lips, swelling breasts, and generous, curvy hips. As a result, I have inadvertently wrote the most testosterone fueled homoerotic roundup EVAR! Thanks, Himber, you jack wagon! Its all your fault. So if you're're welcome. The rest of youse can get the hell off my lawn, but be sure to some on back next month when we tackle a challenge called A Tale of Two Rivals...all about two equally awesome fictional car clubs who use different but equally awesome color schemes. Pretty much the sky is the limit, so will yours be a showstopping concept racer or a vintage dragster? Guess you'll have to tune in next month, same rock hard time, same rock hard channel. Oh told you you'd thank me about the sock. Its actually a good thing we only have eight readers. Any more, and we would have been banned ages ago.