Saturday, February 21, 2015

A Tale Of Two Rivals Roundup

There are some famous rivals in this world: Coke vs. Pepsi. Democrats vs. Republicans. Thomas Edison vs. Nicola Tesla. Lindsay Lohan vs. Sobriety. Bruce Jenner vs....his identity. So many many conflicts. Without them we'd have no wars or lawsuits...and lions and zebras would coexist in peace, drinking side-by-side at the same water hole and probably inviting each other over for tea and crumpets or something. As enticing as all those John Lennon songs may be, we simply cannot live in a world without conflict, without rivals...its just wired into our primal core. Adding to the heap, are two fictional rival car clubs in a little roundup for a challenge we call A Tale of Two Rivals. Both are equally as awesome, but The Eastern Rebels use a dark gray, black and yellow color scheme while The Western Outlaws use tan, black, and red. How did they do? I think it'll be almost as compelling at the famous rivalry between Britney Spears and her missing panties, except without all the blurred photos. So sit back, pour yourself a vodka tonic, and stop looking at milfs in yoga pants for five goddamned minutes and enjoy our non-blurred, non-pixelated roundup.

 Veeborg muscles in early with a quick right hook and this 1935 Auburn 851SC Boattail Speedster, thereby making The Western Outlaws look pretty darned good right now.

Auburn front views

Without a rebel in sight, The Western Outlaws deliver a left jab and another powerful right hook with the first of many entries by Peter Blackert, this one a Typ-939 Alfa Romeo Spider. This looks deadly! Where are the Rebels? I haven't seen an early defeat like this since 9AM this morning when I said to hell with my diet and had a glazed donut!

Alfa Romeo Typ-939 Spider (Redback)

But wait, the Eastern Rebels are in the running! They come in with a powerful left hook and two quick right jabs with this 2015 Ford GT Supercar Concept Racer Edition. Other customizing houses are sure to follow in releasing their own 'enhanced' GT Supercars, but the Eastern Rebels can say they did it first!

GT Concept Racer - 2015 (Eastern Rebels Custom)

Proving he doesn't play favorites, Peter comes back with a track-focused edition of the wildest V12-engined Ferrari yet, a 2014-reveal Ferrari LaFerrari FXX K for the Outlaws. This rivalry is proving to be as epic a battle as that movie Alien Vs. Predator.

Ferrari LaFerrari FXX K (abu Dhabi 2014)

Coming in like an acid spitting raging bull, Lino Martins drops in with the meanest, craziest vintage salt flat racer you'll ever see...a '56 Ford Wagon Drag Racer called "Double-Trouble" with Eastern Rebel colors and with not one, but two supercharged eight cylinder engines!

1956 Ford…Double-Trouble

Not to be outdone, Peter comes back and sinks his claws in deep as part of a buddy team challenge with Lino with this two-engined, Western Outlaw counterpart, a 1958 Ford Ranchero Coupe-Utility appropriately called "Loaded Weapon"!

Ford 1958 Ranchero Twin-engined Custom (Loaded Weapon)

Peter shows us that sometimes the biggest guns come in the littlest packages. This Western Outlaw Mini Cooper sure packs a punch, just like Ike Turner! Yikes, that was rude, even for me! Sorry, Tina. Love ya, baby.

Mini - Western Outlaws (New Mini Mk III - 2015)

Seems Tina has got some sass of her own with a dizzying bitchslap across Ike's smug mug in the form of this Peter-built Mercedes-Benz W176 A 250 Sport all done up in Eastern Rebels dark gray, yellow and black.

Mercedes-Benz A 250 Sport (Eastern Rebels Custom - 2015)

And just to make sure Ike got the message through his thick skull, Tina (and Peter) comes back with a walloping haymaker and another victory for the Rebels in the form of this 2014 Chevy Corvette C7.R racer.

Chevrolet Corvette C7.R Racer

 Not to be outdone, the Outlaws come back with a 2014 Dodge SRT Viper GTS-R. Wow, I haven't seen family abuse like this since the Manson family! What? Too soon?

Dodge SRT Viper GTS-R Racer (2014 - Western Outlaws)

 And speaking of murderous rampage, The Outlaws drop another A-Bomb with this fictional 2015 Ford Falcon GT-X. This battle is as bloody as when the Romans unleashed lions on the Christians. What? Too soon? Do the Rebels even have a chance?

Ford FGX Falcon GT-X (2015)

Turns out they do! With a flare for rivalry and theatrics, Peter pounds out a left hook and a powerful uppercut with the other Australian champion car, this 2015 Holden HSV GTS for the Rebels. I am dizzy from all this fighting, and so is Peter. He is done and down for the count.

HSV GTS (2015 - Eastern Rebels)

But it seems there are some other LUGNuts chock full of piss and vinegar and raring to go! Chrisbuilds packs a dizzying wallop, another for the Rebels, this time in the form of a '41 Show Rod on a turntable. Consider me breathless!

'41 Show-Rod

Chris tags Tim Inman into the ring and he comes out swinging with a 1953 Dodge Power Wagon with Willock Swivel Frame. A rare beast indeed and it marks a third victory in a row for the rebels. Do we have a knockout?

1953 Dodge Power Wagon with Willock Swivel Frame

Not just yet! Vinny Turbo proves the Outlaws still have a little fight left with this cute little VTS Edge. Its like they let loose a little firecracker into the ring.

Little firecracker to be followed by an atom bomb for the Outlaws. They and Vinny Turbo are back in this fight with this stunning  Netherlands made Donkervoort S8A, refurbished into something called a W.Ows H7O Hyper Seven Orgasmo. I'm pretty sure I just had a hyper seven orgasmo!

Yeah, inevitable joke. Two weeks late for the party but still pretty awesome is this one last jab by the Eastern Rebels in the form of this Coyote Hot Rod built by Zenn. Sometimes that bomb goes off a little later than expected and takes the opposing team out by surprise.

That is the end of our epic rivalry and the end of our roundup. How did our two teams do? Well, if you went by the amount of entries alone and count them as punches...I checked the stats. I checked them twice. Even checked them thrice. Outlaws 9 entries. Rebels 8. The Western Outlaws have won this fight by one punch! Bet you didn't know this was gonna be a contest. It wasn't originally but I couldn't resist tallying them up. Now you can go back to looking at milfs in yoga pants. I know, I know, five minutes without them was pure hell. And while you're at it, you might want to check out our new challenge called Let's Break Some Records. Whether yours be the world's longest limousine or the best selling truck in the Philippines, this challenge is all about record breaking vehicles. Expect the roundup to be chock full of record breaking bad jokes. See ya then. Until next time, get the hell off my lawn! Except you can stay.

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