Saturday, November 29, 2014

LUGNuts Turns 7...Or 49 In Dog Years...Roundup

Fine! Fine! We'll do it live! We'll flippin' do it live! We'll do it live! Flippity Flip! Huh? What? Oh hello. Don't mind me, I was just doing my Bill O'Reilly meltdown impersonation. Entertaining stuff. You should probably youtube it or something. But not while at work or while sitting in the middle of a Christian kindergarten class room. Cuz the internet is chock full of scary, scary things no one in their right mind should ever witness. Why you could innocently keyword "pussycat" and find images you'll have to repress from your mind until you're a pensioner...or save onto your desktop, depending on your point of view. This roundup just might be one of those scary internet things. You innocently google LEGO cars only to find some short megalomaniacal malcontent running his mouth off like a son of a bitch! It's not my fault I wasn't hugged enough! Or too much. I don't know, I always get the two mixed up. Anyway, welcome to our birthday roundup called LUGNuts Turns 7...Or 49 In Dog Years. Yes, its the ever popular birthday challenge where Peter Blackert builds every car in the history of the world ever and a few other people join in also. As a running gag, since we turned 7 this month...or 49 in dog years, I'll humorously appeal to both 7 year olds and 49 year olds. Enjoy.

Cripes, here we go with Peter's entries already! Get yourself some cookies, a sippy-cup of milk, and three fingers of scotch, this is going to be long. Peter Blackert has the ability to see into the future as he overhauls  the set #75908 Ferrari 458 GT2 Berlinetta before it even comes out.

Ferrari 458 GT2 - Lego Nr. 75908 (2015) Recreated

Peter is not a fan of stickers, which is why he overhauled another future set #75912 "Porsche GT Finish Line". He just learned how to write in cursive and yearly prostate exams are also becoming increasingly important at his age.

Porsche 911 GT (991) - Lego Nr. 75912 (2015) Recreated

Seven year old Ralphie Swanson and 49 year old Millie McGraw both woke up this morning in a puddle of their own vomit...but for entirely different reasons. Also Peter still insists to his mum that the Skoda Yeti was the car she should have bought instead of the Mazda.

Skoda Yeti

Incidentally, Peter also woke up in a puddle of his own vomit this morning but then realized the vomit wasn't his own after all. Bummer, dude! The entire second grade class and everyone at the board meeting are laughing at him now.  Once he got himself cleaned up, he rendered a 2008 MkII Tacoma X-Runner.

Toyota Tacoma X-Runner 2005

Jumping right back to nearly the start of LUGNuts - to Challenge #5 - "Heroes and Villains" is this Peter-built Aston Martin DB5 GT as featured in the original James Bond films by author Ian Fleming. Also Peter is amidst litigation for calling his neighbor a "fatty fatty boombaladdy."

Aston Martin DB5 - James Bond 007

One time this kid Peter laughed so hard in the lunch room that he blew milk out his nose. That made him and this other kid hurl and then the janitor had to clean it up with that sawdust stuff. He had to get sent home early where he then enjoyed relations with his secretary, then built an Enzo Ferrari.

Ferrari Enzo Berlinetta

 Peter must be going through a mid-life crisis as he shows some Mad Motor Skills for this Ferrari 458 Speciale A. He then ate a can of Spaghetti-O's, a Kit-Kat bar and crashed out in front of the TV watching Teletubbies.

Ferrari 458 Speciale A & UCS V8 Engine (Paris Motorshow 2014)

Moving on to "Autos aus Deutschland", Peter renders this quirky blue 1989 BMW Z1 roadster with doors that dropped down into the sills. He also recently got promoted to the advanced reading group in his class and noticed that his own kid has a receded hairline now.

BMW Z1 Roadster (1989)

 Peter's version of "slowing things down now" means taking a brief potty break before rendering four dozen more entries. Here is a 1959 Cadillac Series 75 (6700) Miller-Meteor Hearse Conversion. He also enjoys "ding-dong ditching" the neighbor kid, then celebrating with a good cigar.

Cadillac 75-Series Miller-Meteor Conversion - 1959

Like a vintage scotch, Peter's '71 Caddy Eldorado should be enjoyed in moderation lest you're liable to hurl in Mrs. Denker's class and that could mean a trip to the principal's office. One time this kid Billy got sent home early for hurling too much and he was never seen again.

Cadillac Eldorado 1971

 1971 launched the 246 Dino GTS, a targa roofed version of the delectable Ferrari sub-brand Dino. Peter also enjoys playing in the dirt, Justin Bieber, and the touch of a woman, but not necessarily all at once.

Ferrari Dino 246 GTS

Gum in the hair, sore back, mean, ugly teachers, alcoholism, tattle tales, infidelity, wedgies, high cholesterol, pulled pigtails, lawsuits, purple-nurples...these are the problems of 7 and 49 year olds alike. This has nothing to do with Peter's Audi TT, they just sounded funny together.

Audi TT (Mk1 - 1998)

One time a 7 year old Peter got in trouble for showing classmate, Katy Sterling his wiener. Time doesn't change much as he is currently doing jail time for showing a now 49 year old prosecuting attorney Katherine Sterling his wiener. Oh, and this LaSalle 1937 Coupe-Convertible.

LaSalle 1937 Convertible Coupe

When it comes to farting, Peter lives by one simple rule: Those who smelt it, dealt it. But then he also knows that those who denied it, supplied it. This school yard paradox puzzled children for generations to come. He also built a trio of Italian Alfa Romeo hatchbacks. One in red, brown, and white.

Alfa Romeo 147 3Dr Hatch (Type 937)

Alfa Romeo 147 5Dr Hatch (Type 937)

Alfa Romeo 147 GTA (Type 937)

But he also understands how escrow works, which is puzzling to most adults. He also explains this "Plain Jane" Mercedes-Benz 190E would have commonly been seen dressed in beige paint and waiting for you at the airport, should you find yourself visiting West Germany in the 1980s.

Mercedes-Benz W201 190E

Peter wants to be just like me as evidenced by this copy of my '61 Dodge Polara called Aztec Gold. This is fitting, since I was an influential 7 year old. I once convinced a kid to eat a bug as he would be imbued with super-bug powers but then he tattled and I got in trouble.

Linotopia - Aztec Gold - 1961 Dodge Polara

Pretty much the same thing happened when I tried to claim chicken fighting as a business on my taxes. I told the auditor "it is too a business, you poo-poo head!" Nifty Fifties, Daddy-O produced plenty of LUGNuts action from the golden era of US motoring. This 1953 Buick Skylark Convertible is no exception.

Buick 1953 Skylark Convertible

Peter teams up with fellow schoolyard kid, Sam Sir Manperson for this nearly identical pair of black Mercedes-Benz W201 190E 2.5-16 Evolution II's. Peter's is this smaller scale render.

Mercedes-Benz W201 190E 2.5-16 Evolution II

While the aforementioned Sam Sir Manperson pounds out a slightly wilder larger scale version, thus together (with their wonder twin powers!) satisfying both the "Size Matters" and "From Mild To Wild" challenges. Both dudes celebrated by playing Hungry, Hungry Hippos and hiring a prostitute.

Lego 1990 Mercedes 190E Evo II

Sam Sir Manperson comes back much later in the challenge to overhaul set # 7236, which doesn't seat a mini fig but, hey, at least it looks cool. 7 year old Amanda Newmar lost a tooth and was thrilled to get a dollar from the tooth fairy. meanwhile 49 year old Chuck Armell lost a tooth in a bar fight and got nothing for it.

Lego 7236 Overhaul

You'd think with the little Sir Manperson break we've seen the end of Peter this challenge, but noooooo! We have like 40 more to go! Somebody get that kid some Ritalin or something. Anyway, he shows his age with this 1972 FIAT X1/9 in green.

FIAT X1/9

When the Beach Boys were singing about "my 409", turns out they weren't going on about spray oven cleaner, but rather an early 1960's Chevrolet Impala with a 409 CID V8...as rendered here. Peter enjoys his Batman Under-Roos and also appreciates a good bowel movement.

Chevrolet Impala SS 409 CID Sport Coupe - 1961

Does being an engineer for Ford mean you get to have a new car every month? WTF! Seems to be so as Peter's ride this month is a Ford CD345 EcoBoost Mondeo in a color that can only be described as dentist waiting room chair. Peter just learned his multiplication tables up to 6 and should also watch his salt intake.

Ford Mondeo Zetec 2.0 EcoBoost GTDi (CD345 - 2014)

Swedish kids and adults alike love hot cocoa, saunas, fondue, ABBA, and the SAAB 99 EMS 3-Door Combi-Coupe of 1978, which is the perfect conveyance for gettin' about if you are ever 'Snowed In'  in Sweden listening to ABBA.

SAAB 99 EMS 3-Door Combi-Coupe (1978)

According to Peter, this Lincoln MKX mid-size Crossover is a Millennium Marvel. Take it from a Ford engineer, the biggest, most exciting thing in the 21st century automotive industry is...not the hybrid, but the crossover. Peter also enjoys story time in his Spiderman jammies and blowing 40 large in Blackjack.

Lincoln MKX Crossover (2009)

Turns out, if you're Australian, you may have tooled about at some point in a Holden FJ Taxi, making this model perfect for Challenge 49, - "On the Job" for vehicles that have a working purpose. Most adults have jobs. You should dress for the job you want, not the job you have...which explains why Peter spent most of yesterday in the HR office dressed as Batman.

Holden FJ Taxi - 1953

The Peter-built 986 Boxster model shown here fits challenge 42, - "Autos aus Deutschland". Peter's co-worker at Ford cut him in line in the cafeteria in spite of the usually steadfast grade school decree of  "no cuts, no buts, no coconuts."

Porsche Boxster (986)

 Also fitting "Autos aus Deutschland" is this Mercedes-Benz W210 E320 Sedan, which was apparently a lapse in quality for the German automaker. Peter looks forward to Saturday morning cartoons and also to a month without hemorrhoids.

Mercedes-Benz W210 E-Class. E320 Saloon 1998

"Redo and Redemption" was a challenge aimed at re-righting the wrongs of models long past, maybe back in the old 'kitchen table' blurred photography, chewed pieces days. Peter, however takes it as an opportunity to re-do this Audi TT from earlier this challenge. He'll play with his Superman action figures right after paying off the mortgage.

Audi TT Mk1 (Redux)

What is an FGX XR8? Well, once again Peter spouts off about stuff no one understands outside of Australia, but if you follow the Mad Max genre, the FGX XR8 is truly the last of the V8 Interceptors, and its even supercharged. He enjoys building sand castles but is scared and confused by Spongebob Square Pants.

Ford Falcon XR8 (FGX 2015)

This 2004 Maserati MC12 won a whole boatload of championships and was built for the "At The Races" challenge. Even though Peter didn't want to give his friend a "wet willie", he was double dog dared by his attorney to do it so…you pretty much can't back out of that one.

Maserati MC12 (2004)

Peter wanted to go to his classmate's birthday party but regrets to inform him that he can't make it cuz this morning he farted and threw his back out. Also he built some weird Red Bull X2010 thingy that was in PlayStation Grand Turismo 5 (GT5) and 6 (GT6).

Red Bull X2010 Concept Racer (Grand Turismo 6)

He shows some Mad Motor Skills for this Alfa Romeo Brera (939) 3.2 JTS V6 Coupe. And speaking of motors, Peter's favorite book as a child was "The Little Engine That Could". But if someone were to write a book on some 49 year olds it would be called "The Little Engine That Occasionally Couldn't."

Alfa Romeo Brera Coupe (Typ 939) & UCS 3.2 JTS V6 Engine

OK, even I have to admit that was clever and funny! The 1956 FE Holden marks an Aussie interpretation of Challenge 59, - "Nifty Fifties, Daddy-O". Attempts to return an ill-fitting pair of slacks to the store was thwarted the other day when Peter was alerted to their strict "no take-backsies" policy.

Holden FE Special (1956)

In a dispute with his neighbor over property values, the neighbor said "you're gay!" Then Peter said "no you're gay!" "No, you are!", retorted the neighbor. This went back and for a bit until finally the neighbor said "I may be gay for a day, but you're queer for a year!" And that pretty much ended that argument. Oh, and here's a Cord 810 Phaeton Beverly Sedan. 

Cord 810 Beverly Sedan - 1936

"Pink Bellies", DUI, scary dogs, tax evasion, the boogie man, a loveless marriage…these are the problems that plague 7 year olds and 49 year olds around the world. And also this Ford Ranger Baja Racer in Octan Racing colors.

Octan Racing Ranger Baja Racer

The 1969 Mercedes-Benz C111 Rotary-powered concept/prototype car is presented here in a shade of orange that has its own special name - weissherbst. Peter would be the most popular kid in his second grade class if it weren't for the fact that he has one hell of a comb-over.

Mercedes-Benz C111 Concept

Still orange, but much less high-brow is the Heide Performance Products (HPP) Superbird conversion of the current iteration of the Dodge Challenger Coupe. Peter was his schoolyard recess champion thanks to fast-acting Geritol!

HPP Dodge Challenger-Superbird Conversion

Looking now like a big brown turd, this 1971 Pontiac LeMans made cinematic history as the chase vehicle in the 1971 film, 'The French Connection', also starring that old turd Gene Hackmann. I didn't write any 7/49 year old jokes for that one. Peter's copy/pasted quip was funny enough.

Pontiac LeMans 1971 (The French Connection)

And speaking of that, I just had an old man moment today that I haven't done since I was a kid so it qualifies. I'll tell ya next car, but first this 1968 Peugeot 504 Berline was legendary in Africa where its robust design stood up well to the challenges of the North African road (or non road) conditions.

Peugeot 504 Berline (1968)

The Audi Sport Quattro S1 E2 took the production Quattro chassis, cut 12 inches from the wheelbase, and wound up the turbocharger all the way to crazy-town. The car went on to blitz the WRC and also held the Pikes Peak climb record. You see, dear readers, I have not been very regular this past month

Audi Sport Quattro S1 E2

Launched in 1962, and also French (of Italian descent) the Simca 1000 Coupe Bertone cut a fine looking, if somewhat slow-ish line through French streets and laneways in the 1960s.
…So then I figured I'd do something about it and took some laxatives. I know, I know, old man problems and very embarrassing…

Simca Coupé 1000 Bertone (1962)

Challenge 32, - "God Save the Queen", was a challenge to build cars from the UK. What better then, than a 1960 Rolls-Royce Phantom V 'Canberra' Limousine, one of three specially commissioned vehicles to be official state cars to HM Queen Elizabeth II. …Sorry, Queen Mum, you just happen to be around for my embarrassing personal story. Please forgive me. So anyway day one nothing. Day 2 nothing. Day 3 and 4, nothing

Rolls-Royce Phantom V Canberra Limousine (1960) - Official State Car of HM Queen Elizabeth II

Built the the 30th Challenge theme, - "Lemons or LeMans", is this 1958 Edsel Ranger Sedan. …So then I had 4 days of record-breaking regularity! I mean this stuff was worthy to write home about! Then, like 4 hours ago I was having a nice productive day at work and suddenly became so regular I had to go home early

Edsel Ranger Sedan 1958

Revisiting last month's 83rd Build Challenge, - "Only in America", is this 1937 Cadillac Series 70 Coupe.  All Cadillac models in this immediate period found limited sales, due to the Great Depression. So here I sit, freshly showered, doing laundry and getting the roundup done. I texted my boss, let her know the mishap and why I went home early and now I'm telling the story to you all. I'd like to see Brothers Brick do that!

Cadillac Series 70 Coupe (1937)

Plus it filled like six jokes and in a roundup this long, I'll take whatever inspiration I can get. The 2012 Toyota 86 Sportscar was sold out globally almost instantly. Scary clowns, enlarged prostate, monster under the bed, tax audits, the schoolyard bully…these are the fears of 7 and 49 year olds everywhere.

Toyota GT86 - 2012

This '67 Camaro coupe dressed up as 'Bumblebee' satisfies a few sub-themes of a challenge called "A Baker's Dozen, including, Any vehicle for or inspired by any superhero or villain, Any vehicle from childhood cartoons...MASK, G.I. Joe, etc. and any contender for the 2014 SEMA car show. Santa Claus, side boob, freeze tag, Jack Daniel's…you get the drift.

Chevrolet 1967 Camaro 'Bumblebee'

In spite of all my foibles and accidents, Peter still finds the time to suck up to the boss with this replica of my Jedi Starliner featuring "Lino-Wan Kenobi", hopefully in clean Jedi robes. What? Laughing at myself is good medicine. That's how I can continue to poke fun at all of you with impunity and a clear conscious. Laxatives, on the other hand, are only good in moderation.

Linotopia - Obi-Wan's Jedi Starliner

Here's something I haven't seen seemingly since childhood. And no...shut up…I didn't mean that! I'm talking about a brick built creation from Peter. Its been years, maybe. Here is a Battery Electric Vehicle (BEV) Volvo C30 DRIVe Hatchback.

Volvo C30 DRIVe Electric

Here is some more brick built goodness for challenge 55, - "Rubber side down, Shiny side up", - was a challenge all about motorcycle-type vehicles. 7 year old Tommy McMillen was scarred and confused as he tried to reason why he suddenly had a boner while riding the school bus.

Thumper

Meanwhile 49 year old Al Rizzo can't remember the last time he sprung a boner on a bus or anywhere for that matter. Challenge 81, - "Generation Gap", - was all about vehicle built over more than one generation. The model here is the very latest 2013 Ford B299MCA Fiesta Sport.

Ford Fiesta Sport - 2013

"Space is the Place", - was the title for LUGNuts' 62nd Build Challenge, all about Space themed vehicle builds. Shown here is the first NASCAR champion Oldsmobile Rocket 88. The engine was named 'Rocket', and there was plenty of reference to the name in the advertising. Insert your own "pocket rocket" joke here.

Oldsmobile 1950 Rocket 88 Holiday Hardtop Coupe

In 1936 Mercedes-Benz launched the W136-Series 170V. You know what I haven't done in awhile? Told our namesake minor league baseball team to go screw themselves. Screw you, Lansing Lugnuts! Nanna-na-boo-boo, stick your head in doo-doo!

Mercedes-Benz 170V Cabriolet (W136 - 1936)

There, that feels better. Back to my old childish self! Peter had requested a "By Random Appointment", and I laid on this doozie for him to build, this 'Cherry Bomb' a 1970's show rod by Tom Daniel. Like long division to most 7 year olds, this took Peter way out of his comfort zones. I approve.

Cherry Bomb - Tom Daniel - 1970

Packard's last independently developed car, the 1956 Patrician sedan is showcased here in grey, white, and like prosthetic leg tan. Peter's ongoing dispute over property values went nowhere when his neighbor declared him to be a liar, liar, pants on fire.

Packard Patrician Sedan (1956)

And finally adding some much needed Claas to this joint (I know, I use that joke every time) is this Claas XERION 5000 4x4 high-horsepower tractor. Is that the last of Peter's? Holy crap, it is! Finally! Sweet baby Jeebus!

Claas XERION 5000 4x4 High-horsepower Tractor

OK, now onto somebody else. I hope I haven't run out of 7/49 jokes. FORD4LYF, who is probably Peter in disguise, built this good old '64 Ford F-100 Texas truck. According to military drill sergeants everywhere there are only steers and queers in Texas. Funny cuz I was at the airport in Dallas and saw neither…just a bunch of dudes in cowboy boots.

1964 Ford F-100

OK, Lino, think 7/49 jokes. Think, damn it, think! Here goes: The Lamborghini Countach, built by Senator Chinchilla (both a very childish and adult name) was enjoyed by 7 year olds and 49 year olds alike. 7 year olds had posters of them while 49 year olds drove them during their midlife crisis.

Lamborghini Countach

Yeah, that wasn't the best joke. What else do we have? Loek1990 renders a Volvo Octan racing truck, complete with a rally racer. He'll also play a spirited game of dodgeball right after he divorces his second wife.

Volvo FH 16 Octan + LM Rally Fighter

Hey, dodgeball causes more divorces than you'd think. Portuguese builder Biczzz can't imagine a hot rod like his "Gold Dust" outside of the US, so he built it for the challenge "Only in America." Canada has more than a few. Maybe Mexico. Yeah, I guess he's right. Not much hot rodding outside the US.

Hot Rod "Gold Dust"

Tom Netherton tells us that the US purchases more pickup trucks with Texas alone buying up more pickups than most other countries. He drives a pickup so its only fitting that he posts two, the first a 1969 Chevy C10 Long Bed. Candyland and early onset menopause.

1969 Chevy C10 Long Bed

 And the second being a 1974 Ford F-100 Super Cab. What other jokes do I have? Um…arthritic knees and…um…freeze tag. Boy, I'm running out of steam here.

Ford F-100 'Dent Side' Super Cab

Pasaruka76 submits what he calls his humble attempt at a Vespa for "Viva Italia" challenge. The bane of 7 year old Davey Lipton's existence was "Fat Joe" Capozzi, the schoolyard bully who stole his lunch money..

Vespa

Meanwhile the bane of 49 year old Dave Lipton's existence is "Fat Joe" Capozzi, the hired goon who collects gambling debts from deadbeats. Some things never change. Later in the challenge Pascal comes back with this Akira bike for the "Shiny Side Up, Rubber Side Down" challenge.

Akira-style Bike

7 year old Joshua is just learning to tie his shoes. Meanwhile, 49 year old Edward just bought a pair of slip on wingtips cuz bending down to tie his shoes is just too much of a hassle.  Chrisbuilds lives up to his name with this spooky tricked-out '32 Ford. Happy Halloween! 

IMG_1080 (2) - Copy

Speaking of boner inducing school bus rides (like 30 entries ago), Nathan Proudlove presents this school bus for the "LUGNuts In Real Life" challenge. At the age of 7, no one calls you at all, but at the age of 49 people call at 9pm and ask "did I wake you?"

School Bus

The great pyramids, the moon landing, and Nathan's Poison Pinto are among my short list of mankind's best achievements. This was my all time fave Hotwheels car from childhood. I had it on my own to-do list but it kicked my ass, I challenged Nathan to do it like a year ago and it kicked his ass then. Now, finally he has done it for the Super 70's Sensation challenge thereby satisfying 7 and 49 year olds alike.

Poison Pinto

One advantage to being 49 is kidnappers are no longer interested in you. Not that Tim Inman would know anything about that. He teams up with yours truly for a pair of high and low '59 Impalas. His being this high stance gasser called Alti-tude.

"Alti-TUDE" 1959 Chevy Sedan Delivery gasser

While Lino Martins chimes in with this low and slow custom counterpart called Low-Life. The two dudes celebrate their team-up by playing a spirited game of rock 'em sock 'em robots and paying for strange.

Low-Life 1959 Chevy Impala

Satisfying a whole slew of challenges is this rendition of the classic Munster Koach by Ralph Savelsberg. 7 year old Susie noticed that her dad has some grey hair. Meanwhile 49 year old Jim noticed a first grey hair…on his kid.

Munster Koach

Next Ralph demonstrates that like the fanny pack and the abacus, the Wagon Estate is a thing of the past. This type of car was killed by minivans and SUVs. Sometimes its all in the name: call them pants and you're young and cool, but call them slacks and you old and hopelessly uncool indeed.

Buick Roadmaster Estate Wagon

Vinny Turbo chimes in with the Bugster for the "Only In America" Challenge. Red Rover, Red Rover, send grandpa right over…ah to hell with it, I need a nap! You kids get the hell off my lawn!

Photo not available. 

Prozac, hide-n-seek, a good boob job, circus peanuts, some god damned peace and quiet for once; these are the joys of 7 year olds and 49 year olds the world over. Also Vinny Turbo shows some love for a custom car called Piston Ivy.

Photo not available.

Is that all of them? Holy crap, I think it is! Wow, I do believe that was a participation record. Kudos to all y'all then. And what did we achieve this time? I crapped my pants, mortified the Queen of England, goaded Brothers Brick, told the Lansing Lugnuts to go screw themselves and made a slew of off-color jokes about childhood and aging. So how is that different from every other roundup? It isn't, come to think of it. But boy, oh boy am I glad its over with! Now we can move on to a little challenge we like to call Like, Totally 80's…all about 80's era cars, bikes and trucks. Will there be Yugos or that strange abomination called Le Car? God, I hope not! But to know for sure, you're just going to have to wait and see. Tune in next month, same bat time, same…ah, you get the idea! Thanks for making LUGnuts the best LEGO group in the history of the world ever. Now get outta here, youse guys! Go build something, damn it!

2 comments:

Luke Cini said...

Lino M, FORD4LYF here, you're assuming I'm Peter in disguise purely because I build the coolest of cars, and not that I appear to have a passionate affair with Ford? ;-)

The said...

How do I go about getting the Superbird Lego's :o LOVE IT!!!