Saturday, January 28, 2017

Cars Noir...Roundup

I think its safe to say that 2016 has been one rough year. The US elected a dangerous demagogue that'll probably incite a world war and there has been a record number of celebrity deaths...and that was all the way back when Prince bought the beautiful purple farm in the sky. 2016 just kept taking and taking until the bitter end. 2016 did give us something though...the secret to success and making millions. I will share this secret with you, but first check out our final challenge of the year, a dark and dreary one we like to call Cars Noir...all about cars, trucks and bikes with a dark palate or a dark purpose. This is sort of like one of those dealios where you have to sit through a half hour of some timeshare bull crap in order to get your  Starbucks gift card. Except the carrot I'm dangling in front of you is the secret to success and acquiring millions. For realz, yo! But first, get yourself a mug of dark cocoa and spike it with a little Kahlua Midnight and let's look at some scary-ass cars:

Your own dark, dreary and occasionally scary-ass leader Lino Martins starts us off with a dark pair of cafe racers that are perfectly color swapped wherever possible. In the great words of LEGO Batman, "I only work in black and sometimes very dark gray."

Cafe Noir

A builder named By Promozm turns the lights down low and dials up the atmospheric ambiance with this noir street rod. The archway and streetlamp helps set that all important noir detective story mood.

Noir Street Rod

What do you do when you have eight books (or playstation games) just running amok all over the damned place in front of God and everybody? You do what Johnni D did and build yourself a pair of noir hot rod book ends to wrangle up those rowdy games. Very neat idea.

'32 Ford Roadster Pickup

Ralph Savelsberg asks the very important question; Is there a car more fitting for this challenge than one named "Black Beauty"? I didn't think so. here's The Green Hornet's stylish Chrysler Imperial. It's very black, obviously, and a bit bad-ass in a weird sixties sort of way.

Black Beauty from The Green Hornet

A dude named marco.qm chimes in with this dark red Nissan Skyline. It looks like some photo filtering trickery gives this image a grittier, drearier feel as well.

Noir Skyline

Later marco.qm drops in with the very same Nissan, only this time no color filters (proving its actually red, not dark red) and in front of the Eifel Tower. He asked if multiple entries was a possibility but we aren't quite sure if the very same entry counts.

From Japan to Paris

PauloD presents a minifig-scale Chevrolet Corvette C4 in what he describes as a shady scene. When I hear shady scene, I can't help but  imagining US's new president, some Russian hookers, some pee-pee and Vladimir Putin filming it all.

NIGHTDRIVE

Am I the only one imagining such a scene? Rumors are a powerful thing. Anyway, Sam Sir Manperson pounds out a non-purist black Ferrari 288 GTO wide-body Nero with dark tan rims.

Ferrari 288 GTO widebody Nero - 13/15-wide - Lego

Next Sir Manperson chimes in again and pulls the same color swap trick I did with this dark gray Ferrari 288 GTO wide-body Stealthy.

Ferrari 288 GTO widebody Stealthy - 13/15-wide - Lego

Later Sir Manperson shows us that sometimes its all about the stance with this generic, non-specific car that could be A '92 IS400 or a 7-series or something like that.

Stance - 7-wide - Lego

Cruzen19501 very politely submits an entry he simply calls The Lowrider. It is apparently a more subdued black and chrome version of The Joker Lowrider from the new LEGO Batman movie, which looks totally hilarious.

The Lowrider

Awhile back Peter Plackert turned us on to the RANZ Motorsport customizing firm who specializes in tricking out odd choice (mostly) Japanese cars. There was a Hulk and a Clockwork Orange themed car, but now behold this murdered out RANZ Motorsports | Toyota Celica GT.

RANZ Motorsports | Toyota Celica GT

Mercedes goes and builds a sedan but gosh darn it, wouldn't you know it, we'd all  prefer a coupe. That's where Peter comes in with his ever increasing customization skills and this Mercedes-Benz W124 500 CE Coupe.

Mercedes-Benz W124 500CE Coupe

Sometimes when doing an all dark build challenge you think about things in the light. In this case, here is a pair of Tron Lightcycles. Peter goes on to say something about how Tron Legacy was not appropriate for children but I wouldn't know as I slept through much of it.

TRON-Bike - Tron Legacy (2010)

This Facel Vega HK500 Coupe is a Redo and Redemption of sorts for Peter. He built a dark blue one of these way back in '08 for one of our Agent Janus challenges so now here is the same car adorned in a very noir midnight black.

Facel Vega HK500 Coupe

It is fitting that we end 2016 and this challenge with the 'Last Ride' - a model of the very final model year for the Edsel, in this case 1960. The car line was a spectacular failure and many think the same of 2016.

Edsel 1960 Hardtop - Last Ride

That sums up our roundup for this month. So, what does next year bring for this fine blog? Well, we have a challenge called Supercars Vs. Muscle Cars that is sure to be an exciting start to our new year.
OK, you've been good. You've been patient. You've waited long enough. Time to share with you probably the one good thing that came out of 2016...the secret to success and making millions. You ready? Take notes if you have to, this is important, god damn it! Now grab yourself a pen and an apple. It doesn't matter if the apple is red or green. It can even be one of them Pink Ladies. They're a little pricey but you can't knock good quality. So anyway, you announce "I have a pen. I have an apple." Then you take that pen and jab it right into the apple. Go on, jab it in there nice and firm! Then announce "pen apple." Nathan, Ralph, Peter, you with me so far? Pretty straight forward, right? Now hang on a minute there, Sonny Jim! Don't go running off thinking you have your success and your millions just yet. You're only a third of the way there. All you have now is crap, so pay attention! Next you take a whole 'nother pen. Don't use the same pen that's currently jabbed in the apple. It has to be a whole 'nother pen. That's where a lot of people mess this up. Then you grab yourself a pineapple. And announce "I have a pen. I have a pineapple." Then go ahead and jab that sucker right into the pineapple. The rind is gonna be pretty tough so you gotta jam that in there good. Then go ahead and announce "Pineapple pen." Then you sort of pretend to jam them all together. Here's where it gets tricky cuz they switch it up a bit. Announce "Pen pineapple, apple pen." Throw in a cheetah print outfit and a kooky dance number and you have yourself the makings for instant success and millions...of views on youtube. You're welcome.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I thought that LEGO logs were the one place where we could get away from political posts. My last visit here.

Mad Physicist said...

If the internet can go crazy over buckets of ice water or over whether a dress is black or white and a mango can become president of the United States, I don't really see why Pineapple Apple Pen wouldn't work.

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