May The Force Be With You...Roundup

I ain't going to lie to y'all. I'm quite skilled at writing good humor. Its like a special gift I have. let me show you what I mean. A duck visits a psychologist and after the session was over the doctor asks the duck " so how would you like to pay me?" The duck says "just put it on my bill." HAH! get it? Cuz he's a duck! And he has a bill! Hah! I can't believe how hilarious I am! Yes, I'm a real piece of work. But seriously, ladies and gents... please, there is no need to grovel. I put on my pants in the morning just like everyone else...one leg at a time. Except once my pants are on, I write phenomenal jokes. But can anyone do it? Do you have the creative chops to write like me, to be as funny as me? For this month's Star Wars themed build challenge called May The Force Be With You, I ask my car club to do just that...come up with their own 3-6 Star wars infused lines written with my particular brand of sardonic slander. It was supposed to be a time saving venture...you write your own write-up and I ride a Ferris wheel or kidnap an elected official or whatever it is I do in my free time. How did we do? Well, some participated, others left their write up in my hands. Which was which? You'll have to guess. Here we go.

Rolic starts us off with the notion that what if Star Wars took place on Earth? The answer, well duh, is a dual wheel, balancing gyro Darth Vader TIE-Fighter thingy. No need for wide avenues to turn this baby around. No siree, it'll do a 180 degree spin in the other direction...perfect for when you just miss your exit on the highway.



There are two things this world needs: A video on youtube of some kid puking into a slide trombone, and F1 racers based on the X-Wing Fighter and TIE Fighter. Well, at least one of our prayers have been answered. Legonoitallmocs renders the X-Wing F1 Racer...



While his buddy Mr. Koenigsegg takes on the F1 TIE-Fighter version. We can all go home happy now. You heard me, get the hell outta here! Git! We're done here. Unless you've got some video of a kid puking into a slide trombone with all of it spilling out onto his bandmates, you can all get bent!



...Or stick around a little longer to see what the LEGO pros are doing. Its always a pleasure when real live LEGO designers class up this otherwise lowbrow joint. In this case we have a mashup of two great designers, Craig Cellum doing the building while Mark Stafford did the photography. It is a mashup in itself of what would happen if VW teams up with whatever company makes the AT-AT.



Two great LEGO designers aren't enough when you have yet another. NKubate joins our team to create this Naboo Starracer. In my opinion it is a textbook example of what this challenge should be like...cool Star Wars mashup rides, LEGO royalty...and maybe a kid puking into a slide trombone. Is that too much to ask?



We go from LEGO royalty to...well...Tim Inman. But despair not, as he is chock full of raw talent as evidenced by this Jensen Interceptor that looks a bit like an A-Wing. Even if his hobbies usually lead to restraining orders, Tim is a talented builder. And it only takes one of these to demolish two Super Star Destroyers and a Death Star.



And speaking of hobbies that usually lead to restraining orders, Lino Martins flubs his first day on the job at Lucas Ranch by building Obi-Wan's Jedi Starliner, instead of Starfighter. With its color scheme, blue taillights, and astromech crammed under the hood, it follows the starship's design cues nicely. Too bad Lino didn't follow Lucas' directions nicely!



Dornbi takes on the AMC Rebel "Machine"...X-Wing edition with all of it...uh...rebel...X-Wingy red and white glory. I don't know about you, but I'm excited to get my grubby mitts on the new UCS X-Wing set. But why didn't it come with the larger scale R2 head? They already have the dark red R4-P17 dome, so why not an R2? That would be freakin' balls out awesome!



And speaking of freakin' balls out awesome, Dodge pays homage to the two bestest buddies a galaxy far, far away has ever known. No I don't mean Zigfried and Roy. I mean R2-D2 and C-CPO in the form of a motorcycle and sidecar. Its what the world needs more of. That and midget bowling.



Wait, did Legonoitallmocs build another entry? Crap, yes he did! That ruins my X-wing and TIE-Fighter F1 joke so I'm just going to leave it here. Enjoy it in all its TIE-Fighter hot rod glory. Apparently the canopy can't open cuz the oversized engine is in the way. Nice planning. Now that is the true spirit of hot-rodding!



Next up is Raphy's airport shuttle... a clever tribute to the space shuttle which the Rebels stole from the Imperials in Return of the Jedi. This totally reminds me of the van I had in college. Which would sort of explain the big hairy moaning dude in the front passenger seat. Every time we’d pass by the cops he'd be like, "RHOAAAGHH" and I'd be like "just fly casual, Chewie", hoping they wouldn't notice the purple haze milling about the inside. HAH!! I can't believe how funny I am sometimes. Moving on.



Never on time but always entertaining is Lego911. His first entry makes perfect sense considering the inspiration for this speeder was a hot rod anyway. Here is a speederrod with Lino-Wan-Kenobi and young Proudwalker trying to impress chicks with their LEGO lightsaber. C'Mon, you can't tell me you haven't tried it.



I pretty much can't imagine the chrome and yellow Naboo Starfighter anymore without it being first inspired by the curvy Studabaker. I also can't imagine a world without a video of some kid puking into a slide trombone but in spite of my best research efforts the world seems woefully void of it. Someone please make that happen and I'll die a happy man...in about 40 or 50 years.



And long before you die you should pick up the Jabba's Palace set as it has been discontinued. You see, some Turkish people got offended as the palace somewhat resembles a sacred Turkish mosque and they feel Jabba is a stereotype of a fat hooka smoking Turkish crime lord. I say no to that! If they wanted him to be the stereotype of a fat hooka smoking Turkish crime lord they would have put a fez on his head! Oh and Peter built a TIE solar racer.



And speaking of hooka smoking, now it all makes sense. I imagine a bunch of smelly hippie jawas crammed into a rusted old VW bus trekking through the desert on the way to Burning Man. THAT's what the sandcrawler was all about! A minute ago the world had no meaning but now it all makes sense...plus my hand is like waaaaay huge, dude!



Does anyone else smell waffles? Anyway, never mind. My fave of the Peter bunch happens to be the penultimate entry, the General Motors Futureliner as the Slave I. The colors don't even match the ship, but in terms of purpose and Art Deco design you can't beat the shapely beauty of this Futureliner.



Rounding up our roundup is the Buick Landspeeder Y-Job...the perfect thing for cruising for burgers and shakes under the Tatooine sun with your good buddies Ben Kenobi, C-3PO and R2-D2. Ah them were the days! Ben was a real stoner, you could totally turn R2 into a keg, and the less said about 3PO the better. Still, it was good times, man. Good times.



Like most good stories and some massages, this roundup has a happy ending. Kids, go ask your parents what I mean by that. Then they'll promptly turn on the child safety chip an you'll never be able to read this blog again. And good riddance, you little shit stains, you shouldn't be here anyway! Wait what?! Never mind. So did any of you guess who wrote their own write up and who didn't? Raphy wrote his, I wrote my own ahead of time and the rest were left to my very capable hands. Turns out the rest of youse just don't have the gift of gab. Ferris wheels and elected officials alike can take solace in knowing that it wasn't really a time saving venture after all. Probably for the best, really...we don't wanna tear a hole in the space-time continuum or anything. So, what does next month have in store? We have a little challenge we like to call A Baker's Dozen. There is a list of 13 totally balls-out awesome vehicle ideas to choose from. What you do with it is entirely up to you. Should be totally balls-out exciting! That reminds me, I gotta return these totally balls-out books to the totally balls-out library...maybe get a totally balls-out frappuccino while I'm at it. Stay tuned and we'll see ya next month. Balls!