Mad Motor Skills...Roundup

I have what every man could ever want. And no, I don't mean a broken neck and a mustache. Although that would be sweet. I have a good job, good home, good girlfriend, good dog...oh and recognition from my heroes. Lemme explain. I was at Emerald City Comicon last weekend and there I met Coop, who is one of my fave artists of all time. He's rather lowbrow, so don't go looking him up at work or around kids, but his work has been pretty influential around the hot rod scene. Anyway, I go up to him, trying not to be a fanboy and trying to play it cool but my hands were shaking a little. And I says...hey Coop. Hows it going? I'm a big fan of yours and one of your flickr contacts. One of millions, I'm sure. He says...yeah, actually. So I says...I just sort of build these...uh...you know...LEGO custom cars and hot rods. Its just some thing I do. Then he says...oh, you were that guy in the documentary, right? My face brightens. Well...yeah!, I says. Then he says...yeah, I follow your work and a few other LEGO guys. Then he told me a few things about myself that made me realize he really does follow my work and he wasn't just patronizing me. So then we exchanged autographs. I gave him a signed Lino Studs card. And he...well, he didn't exactly give me his book. I paid $40 for it. But he did sign it. So there you have it. I have recognition from the king of lowbrow art and and a great LEGO car club full of guys with Mad Motor Skills. See how I slipped in the name of the challenge there? It was all about engines and I gotta say, the build and photo quality on most of these entries are top notch. I'm proud of you guys. The engines look prettier than even I thought they would be. lets see what I mean, shall we? And here's to very important people knowing who we are and what we do.

Surely some very important people know about Ralph Savelsberg, and for good reason. He shows us all how this challenge is done with this Man TGX truck...and while the rest of us were dreaming up ways to build a big honkin' V-8, Ralph illustrates a diesel V-6. A big honkin' diesel V-6 nonetheless. The crate palate adds an extra touch of realism to the whole shebang.





No custom hot rod pickup would be complete without a V-8 engine the size of a grand piano...as demonstrated by drdesignz. Just like DoktorZapp, drdesignz is a real doctor and therefor qualified to have a look at this lump on my neck. Give it to me straight, doctor. How long do I have to live?





Not a real doctor but still with pickup trucks on the brain is AadenH and his 1979 Datsun 620 with a N/A L20B engine. This custom candy apple red show truck sports a ground scraping stance and chrome bumpers, grille and rims. See, this is what the Europeans are missing over there...ground scraping stances that make a truck somehow way less practical. Its the American way.



The Bing-Bong Brothers built us a pretty sweet BMW M3 E92 and offers us not one, not two, but three custom choices for engines.From left to right we have the 4.0 liter, 400 horsepower high revving stock V8, the 502 supercharged big block American crate motor with over 1000 horsepower, and the 12 liter 1800 horsepower beast of a marine motor which barely fits in the engine bay at all. Tsk tsk...the very practical Germans would not approve.



While everyone else abides by the rules and built engines, Kin.lego says...whooo look at my red car! I can't believe how awesome I am with my awesome red car! Whooo-hooo, look at my red car! Live in fear of my red car, bitches! Whoooo! Yeah! I'm king of the world! Whoooo! ...Aaaaaand not an engine in sight. Someone wasn't paying attention. You broke the internet, Kin.lego. Total bummer, dude. Total bummer.



Luckily, Peter Blackert was not only paying attention, but he also presented a whole slew of totally awesome renders. The first being a 2008 Ford FPV FG Falcon with a 4.0 Turbo, 310 kW, which incidentally Peter had a hand in designing in real life. I cram a bunch of greebly bits into an engine and hope for the best whereas Peter knows what all them greebly bits do.



Peter is a Ford engineer, and a good sport. Knowing full well the competition also has a little something to write home about, he presents us the 2014 Chevrolet SS Sedan with its 450 horsepower V LT1 V8 engine. Let us bask in the glory that is a Ford engineer building something beautiful for Chevy. Sort of gets you right in the breadmaker, don't it?



But back to Ford, long before any of us were alive, some Ford engineer designed the 1957 Ford Fairlane Hardtop equipped with a red 292 CID 'Thunderbird' V8. Peter renders the feat nicely with his third entry. Ain't them colors purdy?



That tall brillo-haired Jeremy guy on Top Gear hates all American cars...except for the Ford GT as pictured here next to its 5.4 DOHC Supercharged V8. Ford builds a 100th anniversary car and Peter makes this his 100th Ford presented on Flickr. Now that is just too perfect.



Peter's penultimate entry (look it up, kids!) goes real oldschool with this stunning 1931 Marmon S I X T E E N - Victoria Club Coupe posed beside a 491 CID, 45 degree V16 engine. Man, is it just me, or are all these renders totally top notch? Those are computer generated renders, not photographs. Talk about Mad Motor Skills!



And last on the Peter slab is the new Ferrari...uh...LaFerrari with a 6.3 litre V12 KERS engine or Kinetic Energy Recovery System - kind of like a hybrid. Wow, the Italian automakers made their car sound French somehow. Kinda like a pizza baguette. Remember LeCar from like three decades ago? Well this is exactly like that. Exactly.



Dylan Denton loves a MOPAR. But then again, who doesn't? He likes the bright orange Chrysler 440 "Six-Pack" power plant in an otherwise...uh...not-orange car...in this case a white'69 Plymouth Roadrunner. Its like a six pack of Orange Crush stored under your hood. Or something.



Forget the V-6, forget the V-8. The V-12 all y'all cram into a Lambo and think its the bee's knees is merely pathetic child's play. You may as well just go home now. Because to haul 600 tons of TechnicNick built mining machinery plus an equal amount of payload, you're gonna need a monstrous V-20 the size of a city bus. Or the size of a VW bus. Or the size of a bread basket. Or a kumquat. Actually I don't know how big they are. Either way, they crank out an awesome 3500 horsepower!



Legotrucks lives up to his name with this highly detailed, chrome-laden Kenworth K100 posed next to a CAT 3408 V8 engine...in CAT yellow, of course. See, didn't I tell ya photo and build quality was going to be pretty stellar this month? These entries are so good I don't even have any jokes about paying for strange or time travel or anything. Its like I'm stumped.



This rat rod built by Mahjqa is a slight rule-bender, but the fully exposed engine makes it good enough for me. And it wouldn't be Mahjqa without it having some kind of power functions magic trickery going on. All it needs is a kumquat sitting behind the steering wheel. That should be mandatory for all builds.



What? I saw some kumquats at the grocery store and I thought they were the cutest little things ever. OK, so sue me! But I bet they're tasty. You'd have to juice like 300 of them to get the same amount of orange juice you'd get in a Vodka Screwdriver, but you know...probably worth it. Jonathan Derksen builds a Lancia Fulvia and asks "what more must be said?" I have just one word to add to that. Kumquats!



Rolic builds a totally non-kumquat related 2003 Jeep Grand Cherokee with a PowerTech 4.7 L V8 engine. Man, just look at that grille! And that...uh...other grille right under the first one. Everything about this Jeep is pretty brilliant. I got nothing else to say. Other than, never commit a crime in front of somebody with a blurry face. Cuz you know they'll rat on ya on TV. And they seem to have impeccable memory for details.



No stranger to blurry-faced crime sprees is Loek1990 with his Mercedes SL65 Black Series with the 6.0 litre Biturbo V12. Those things had V-12's? Huh. You learn something new every day. I learned that midgets are littler than we are so therefore a lesser dose of chloroform is required, otherwise you kill the poor little bugger. Good to know.



No stranger to chloroform is LegoNoItAllMocs. Probably. Anyway, he goes and builds us a SnotRod from the Disney movie Cars. Its got flames and an engine and...um...yeah. So does this builder "know it all" or does he "no it all"? I'm a little confused on the matter. Does he say no to everything? Do you like ice cream? No. Do you like superheroes? No. Do you want to sniff this chloroform soaked rag? NO! Smart choice then.



Agent Who builds a wee little '49 Packard with a wee little engine. That engine is precisely the size of...um...whats that tiny little orange fruit? Tastes like tangerines? It would take like 300 of them to get enough juice to make a Vodka Screwdriver? You can eat the skins and all? What's it called? I'm drawing a blank here.



Tim Inman is smart. He reads books by...who's that wheelchair guy? Oh, right! Larry Flynt! Anyway, Tim builds us a rough and tumble Dartz Kombat MRAP posed next to a massive Hercules LDT-465 engine. It was from the movie Die Hard and was used to mow down college freshman or hippies or something. Why am I drawing a blank here? Oh right! Kumquats! I just completely brain-farted for like 10 minutes!



Speaking of brain farts, Lino Martins builds a boat. I know, I know...we're an automotive group and boats are prohibited...unless said "boat" is the '72 Buick Riviera in super '70's brown and lime. Then its "welcome aboard, matey!" A ship's wheel and swivel seats helps adhere to the boating theme while a big honkin' 455 Buick V-8 powers this land yacht along.



Planes are prohibited too. So sadly, even a well built model of the famous Red Baron triplane would have to be nixed from the challenge...unless it was a chrome-laden Harley Davidson FLH called Red Baron built by Bricksonwheels. Then its "welcome aboard, matey!" Or...uh..."Thank you for flying United." Or even "sit your ass down, sir before we call the federal marshal!" Whatever it is they tell you when boarding a plane.



I've even heard them say "this bathroom is for first class only, sir!" Anyway last month when we were all building the Ralston Tigers, each entry had to have the letter "X" somewhere in the design. I couldn't find Raphy's "X" for the life of me. Turns out, it was the engine...a Ralston Radial X-4. Its apparently not the first time someone has tried the radial X engine. Still, this is pretty crazy.



This challenge would be nothing without an engine name we can chuckle at. Thankfully, new guy Rhys' Pieces comes to our very last minute rescue with this Mazda RX-7 FD3S with a n/a 20b (1950cc) Wankel Rotary engine. (snickers) Yeah...Wankel Rotary! (snickers)Wankel Rotary! It sounds like the punchline to some phone prank. Excuse me, ma'am, is your refrigerator running? (snickers) It is? Then...uh...Wankel Rotary! Good bye! HAH HAH HAH!! Wait, that didn't make sense.



Boy, I gotta say, my prank calling days came to a screeching halt as soon as they invented Caller ID. And that also brings our challenge roundup to a screeching halt. How'd I do? I think the roundup could have used more jokes about dying grandfathers and the screaming passengers in their car...and I didn't even get a chance to joke about dog vomit. Maybe next time. Which brings us to...uh...next time. Its a challenge called Toyota Tacoma Time, and as the name implies, every swinging dingus in this group has to build a Toyota Tacoma...but for the love of God, they all better be different! Will yours be a hard working farm truck, a zombie killing apocalypse machine, or a Baja racer? I guess we'll have to tune in next time to see. Oh, by the way, I got the test results back from the doctor. That lump on my neck...just my adam's apple. Its supposed to be there. Totally normal. I guess I'll live on indefinitely. Good to know. So I'll see you next time then. And until next time...Wankel Rotary Kumquats!