Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Pickups and Vans!...Roundup



Hola. How's it going? I'm doing fine, thanks for asking. You wanna see my guns? I got two tickets to the gun show right here! Ka-pow! That's what I'd say if I owned a pickup truck. Also I'd be flexing my biceps, giving you an ample view of my sweet, sweet "guns". Hey kids, do you like Ninja Turtles, Zima, and human liver? That's what I'd say if I owned a van. Luckily, I own neither vehicle, so the world is a better place for it. But, you know, we've been doing these monthly build challenges for pert near ten years now so all the clever names and concepts are already taken up. It's inevitable, really that we'd eventually do a challenge that simply mixes two diverse vehicles together, so welcome to the favorite build challenge for redneck yokels and depraved pervs alike. It's called Pickups and Vans. So it's either tickets to the gun show or a ride on Uncle Touchy's lap. As for my vehicle, its hard to pull off redneck or pervy in a Fiat 500. I'm like...you wanna see two tickets to the gun show? Damn it, I messed it up! I mean...you know what, never mind. I'm going to get a coconut milk caramel macchiato in my urban hipster doofus-mobile.


But first I'll leave my entry for this challenge right here. Lino Martins goes with an early 70's phenomenon called a Zinger, where you take a toy car and outfit it with outsized engines and tires. If you know how my minds works, this would have been a completely obvious choice. If you don't, then surprise...it's a blue zinger.

Zinger Van

Peter Blackert goes with the completely obvious route, and by obvious, I mean he submits a slew of entries, just like every other month. If you do know how Peter's mind works, you'd know he'd come up with a1972 Ford Ranchero as he does engineer Ford Pickups in real life.

Ford Ranchero 1972

I never would have expected the Nissan S-Cargo, however. We have no such car here in 'Murica. They have plenty in Australia, apparently. They make perfect city delivery vehicles.

Nissan S-Cargo

The car-truck is a phenomenon that existed well into modern times in Australia, in fact its production will finally halt this coming October. Most famous of the "Utes" is the Ford Falcon XW GT Ute...this one a 1972 and came in lovely purple for the missus, cuz apparently only girls and Prince like purple.

Ford Falcon XA GT Ute (1972)

Here in the states a large pickup similar to this 2007 Toyota Tundra Double-Cab Pickup would be a common sight. These, as well as Ford F-150's, Dodge Rams and Toyota Tacoma are all the rage in the somewhat regressed town I live in.

Toyota Tundra 2007 - Double Cab Pickup

No pickup challenge would be complete without the Ford Ranchero, this one from 1967. While the American Ranchero used the Fairlane body, the Australian Ute took design cues from the Falcon.

Ford Ranchero Pickup - 1967

One thing I didn't expect and likely have never seen in real life is a 61-83 Mini Pickup. That is because, according to Peter, I live in a country where roads are huge and gas is cheap. That means all my crap has been brought in big trucks. Not so much the case in the UK. Little winding roads and expensive gas means little deliveries.

Mini Pickup (1961-1983)

But on the continent that invented Mad Max and all those glorious vehicles I don't think they have that problem. You wouldn't guess that by this cute little 1963 Holden EH Ute though.

Holden EH Ute - 1963

The US president currently goes through Directors of Communication almost weekly. I miss Scaramucci already. He was comedic gold! The next logical choice to be Trump's mouthpiece should be none other than the dim-witted Mater the Towtruck from Disney/Pixar Cars.

Disney Pixar Cars - Mater (Redo)

But after Mater's short stint as Communications Director, he'd likely be replaced by Ted Nugent, then "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan, then that one dude from Duck Dynasty, then Mama June, then Cthulhu who will then devour the world. Here's a Volkswagen T1 Transporter Single-Cab Fire Ladder.

Volkswagen T1 Transporter Single Cab Fire Ladder

How 'bout that Scaramucci though? If you bought milk when he was hired, it would still be fresh when he was fired. The sad part is he doesn't even get to go to Communications Director reunions, which I hear are totally off the hook! Here's a Volkswagen T1 Transporter Dual Cabin Roadside Mechanic.

Volkswagen T1 Transporter Dual Cabin Roadside Mechanic - 1962

No amount of cocaine and hookers can wipe that ten day blemish off Scaramucci's resume. You see how hard this is? I write jokes and along comes this gangster stereotype scumbag who looks like he owns a couple of strip clubs and he goes and gets himself fired before me or anyone else can write any more jokes. Here's a Holden VFII Commodore SS Ute.

Holden VFII Commodore SS Ute

Satisfying the van spectrum of our Pickups and Vans challenge is this 1982 Mercedes-Benz T1N 307 D Van. Its like a big blue box that seems bigger on the inside but it's decidedly not a Tardis.

Mercedes-Benz T1N 307 D Van (1982)

This '58 International Harvester A180 Pickup is a truck for mature, responsible adults. Today I figured out how to fix the dishwasher. I was marveling at what a mature, responsible adult I was right up until, while showering, I slid a thin sliver of soap between my butt crack and pretended it was a credit card reader.

International Harvester A180 Pickup (1958)

At least I didn't pretend it had a chip reader, huh? That would have been awful. But if my thin bar of soap did indeed have a chip in it, that transaction would have been approved as having impeccable credit is the mark of a mature and responsible adult. Here's a 2017 Ford P552 F150 Raptor.

2017 Ford F150 SVT Raptor (P552)

If there is just one lesson you could learn from this roundup, it's the value of having good credit. And don't stick soap up your bum. Also important. Anything you stick in there should have a flared bottom. Otherwise you could end up taking a ride in this '62 FIAT Multipla Hearse Conversion a lot sooner than you'd hope.

FIAT Multipla Hearse Conversion - 1962

If I'm anything in this world, I am a caring individual. That's why I offer up so much sage advice. Like a doting Jewish mother, I care and worry for you people, forever thinking you may, at any moment, be trapped under something heavy. Hopefully Peter and his friend Look aren't trapped under something heavy. They teamed up and submitted this Ford Falcon XA GT Ute & Ford Falcon FG FPV Pursuit Ute pair.

Ford Falcon XA Ute - Ford Falcon FG FPV Pursuit Ute

What would I do if I didn't worry myself sick over you people? Why assume you're safely living your lives when instead I could worry about you all being sodomized by maniacs! Speaking of maniacs, we have a challenge this month called A Cult Following all about cars, trucks, and bikes with...well... a cult following. So chug down the LUGNuts Kool-Aid and build something for us, will ya? That way I don't worry about you and assume you've been abducted by aliens or torn to shreds by a Rougarou. That's a French werewolf, in case you were wondering. When I get to worrying myself sick about you, anything is possible, really. In the meantime, let me know you little darlings are OK by leaving a comment here. Maybe you'd like to leave us a vague comment about your home inspection business? Maybe you'd like to sell us some boat shoes? Or better yet, provide us a link to your blog about hot sorority girls gone completely bonkers. Go ahead, leave it. We like your comments. The more irrelevant the better.

1 comment:

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