Monday, April 14, 2014

Designing the Ralston Rhino...Roundup

So, Lino, you might say. You've been learning to play guitar on Rocksmith for like four months now. How's that going? To which I'd say, thanks for asking, disconnected voice used only to make a point. I'm doing just fine. So fine, in fact, that I can play The Who's "My Generation" with 67.9% accuracy. I'm bragging about that one cuz that's my highest scoring song. The rest, not so much.  Most, much, much worse. But hey, 67.9% is a solid D+ if you prefer the letter grade method. That was a passing grade at my old high school, and if it was good enough for my high school councilor then its good enough to follow me through everything I do in life. So whether I'm filing my taxes, installing a kitchen sink, doing brain surgery, firing a gun into the air, or even writing this roundup, I will do it with 67.9% accuracy. That's my solemn promise to you, dear readers. So welcome to a roundup that you may find to be overall a good effort, but insufficient in nearly a third of the important facts. We call it; Designing the Ralston Aardvark.

First on the Ralston Rhino slab is Peter Blackert with his sand green Rhino MkIV Off Road Jet. The rules said the Ralston Rhino had to be a truck and your definition of "truck" can be pretty loose...pickup, semi, van, SUV, etc. This one looks to be in the SUV variety.

Ralston Rhino MkIV - 2014

Next, Peter pounds out the MkIV Off Road Rhino specifically for the Dakkar Noir races, which is sponsored by the stuff high school jocks spray on to cover up the smell of ball sweat. It is shown here in Magnum racing livery, which is the company that makes condoms for the exceptionally endowed. Not that any of us would know that.

Ralston Rhino Mk IV - Paris-Dakar Rally Raid - Magnus Racing Team

I like what Peter has done here. With the Family crest and even the font, he has created a brand identity that is consistent, even throughout the ages. Here we see the 1932 Ralston MkI Type 8R-32 Tourer Half-Track in dark blue.

Ralston Rhino Mk I Type 8R-32 (1932) Tourer Half Track

The Ralston Purina Puppy Chow Type 8R was also produced in a six-wheeled-drive, triple axle configuration, shown here with Coupe bodywork. The 1932 Ralston Rhino MkI Type 8R-32 Coupe - Triple Axle was incidentally the best vehicle for bird watching.

Ralston Rhino Mk I Type 8R-32 (1932) Coupe Triple Axle

Incidentally that was the most entries Peter has ever submitted. Good going! Somebody call Guiness. And by Guiness, I mean the Irish beer that is like a meal in itself. Moving right along is two entries by AadenH. Here is one.

And here is the other. Now I know the rules are pretty loosey-goosey, but they specifically stated the Ralston Rhino had to be a "truck". Both these entries look decidedly car-like. He even included the word "car or two" in his write up. Makes me wonder if he even paid attention at all.

Tim Inman takes a stab at the Ralston Rhino. His version is a dark blue people mover with gull-wing doors and a twin turbo V-6 with working pistons. Because of this build, Tim was voted People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive. In your face, Hugh Jackman!

Ralston Rhino

Finally some big damned trucks up in this piece! Lino Martins makes his Rhino part semi, part charging beast, part command center, part UFO...and with anti-gravity frictionless load pulling action...only about 67.9% plausible. The front also looks like a cat wearing wraparound sunglasses.

Ralston Rhino 1

In The LEGO Movie, some guys had beards. Some guys loved really big sausages. That was just their thing. Poor Emmit was deemed unremarkable and rather boring. But all that would have changed had he have had this sweet Ralston Rhino entry by Volume X.

Emmet & Rhino X Concept Truck

Even Batman was in the movie. And as he "only works in black...and really dark grey" he would totally blow his wad for this Ralston Rhino Flatbed Bat-Hauler for when your other bat-equipment craps out.

The Rhino Batbed/ concept Flat bed Truck

Volume Y comes back a third time and this time he sees into the future and the exciting new Ultra Agent sets slotted for August of this year. This version of the Ralston Rhino is standard issue super agent gear.

Rhino X / LEGO Ultra Agents Semi Concept Truck.... shhhh!

Finally in a challenge for futuristic concept trucks, The Raphster presents something that looks suspiciously like a classic Roadrunner car. So classic, in fact, that it made it into the LUGNuts calendar a year or two ago. His quip about the date indicates that it was an April Fool's joke but he never swapped it out with a real Ralston Rhino. Bummer, dude.

1969 Plymouth Roadrunner

Is that all of them? Yep, I think it is. So how'd you like the short and sweet roundup that was 67.9% accurate? Pretty much like all my other roundups, then? Yeah, I agree. And, as it turns out, only 67.9% of the entries were actually concept trucks. That just goes to show ya that barely putting in a minimum effort is good enough for us here at LUGNuts. So what does the future hold for this blog? Next month we've got a challenge called Places, Everyone...all about cars, trucks and bikes with place names. Whether yours be the Buick Riviera or the Subaru Outback, places are where its at. So tune in same bat-time, same bat-channel next month to see our half-assed attempts at Chevy Malibus and Chrysler New Yorkers. Until next time, here's to hoping I can bring my guitar playing and my blog writing up to a C-. No promises, though.

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