Sunday, November 24, 2013

LUGNuts Sixth Anniversary Roundup!

Whether it be Boston or Seattle, I've lived in big cities most of my life. You just can't beat the convenience of having everything you could ever want just a short walk or a bus ride away. The corner store was a short stroll up the block and if I wanted to see amorous couples in the throes of copulation, I'd look no further than our back dumpster. But this month, I've traded the convenience of corner stores and dumpster copulating for trees and grass...something a little more rural. Yes, dear readers, I have moved to the suburbs! The city has become too loud and too cluttered for me. I've become surprisingly less tolerant of graffiti and piles of puke outside my building and Seattle had just far too many angry yelling winos for my liking. Its a sign of growing up...or something. Yes, I'm getting to that age now where I want to be the only angry yelling wino in the neighborhood so I've moved to quiet and rural Redmond. I finally have a lawn I can tell kids to get the hell off of. And the beauty is, I don't even have to take care of it...not that I was gonna anyway. What else is new? Well, LUGNuts just turned six. This means we have our birthday challenge and that means your free ticket to build pretty much whatever the hell you want from all previous challenges from this year and the history of the world ever. How did we do? Let's check it out.

Ralph Savelsberg starts us off with this pristine Range Rover Sport. It satisfies the Color Me Strange as white is a strange color in hot it was introduced in 2005, it also fits Millennium Marvels and as its a product of Merry Old England, it also fits into the God Save The Queen challenge. He tells us he's had a lot of fun with this.

So much fun, in fact, that he has also presented us with this Rolls Royce Phantom, complete with tie-wearing dignitary and equally tie-wearing chauffeur...which ticks the Millennium Marvels and God Save the Queen categories. I'm also wearing a tie as I type. True story, bro. Black tie, dark red shirt black vest. I'm at work and the tie makes them least suspecting when I'm up to no good.

But I suppose the black and red, coupled with the skull rings and studded wrist bands makes me seem sort of rock and roll. And yes, I will sign your girlfriend's boobs, thanks for asking. At the rate I'm learning guitar, I figure I'll be snorting coke off a prostitute's ass by 2084. Speaking of the 80's Ralph presents the Ferrari 308 GTS from Magnum P.I.

And lastly in what was surely a banner month for Ralph, he chimes in again with this Harley Davidson "Fat Boy" ridden by the Terminator in Terminator 2, Judgement Day. This was before the Governator became a politician and was better known for his pumped muscles and bad one-liners.

Combine a slew of technic beams, some trans-yellow and white futuristic styling and some sideways fashion magazine photography and you get the Street Shark, built by Peteris Sprogis and thereby satisfying the Animal Kingdom challenge. Sideways fashion magazine photos makes everything seem post-modern.

Don't taze me, LEGO Bro! Sorry, had to be said. Did I use that joke already before? Anyway, he saves us all from certain head exploding doom by setting the universe right and rebuilding his Rolls Royce Phantom for Redo And Redemption. He apologizes for his "utterly appalling" first version, which I don't remember.

Peter Blackert does a little redo and redemption but for me. He digs early into my flickr photostream for this 32 Roadster thereby building from our very first challenge, "Modified Machines" and "I wannabe Like You". But then again, with my roguish good looks and my way with words, who doesn't wannabe like me?

That's right. Fame. Money. Constant adoration. Women want to do me. Men...also want to do me. Yesiree, everyone knows my name and I have no goddamn clue who the hell they are. This is what its like to be "The Lino". You also take to putting "the" in front of your name. So naturally Peter digs deep into my flickr file and does good justice to this lowrider Impala called Leap Frog.

But Peter proves that it isn't always about me. He knows the way to a girl's heart is to be a douche and not call them for a little while. Why in the interim, he may even start seeing a pretty Japanese model in the form of a grey Mazda 6 and thereby satisfying the Big In Japan Challenge.

From there he could even start dating another Japanese model, this time another Mazda 6 in a slutty black dress. Look at those shoes! And that hair! I bet she doesn't cook as well as I do. Plus she can barely speak English. Fine, he can have her! I hope you're satisfied with your decision, Mr. Man!

And just when I wanted to dump Peter and settle for an abusive deadbeat with a drug problem, he comes crawling back by revisiting and rebuilding my 1968 Chevy C10 Pickup...incidentally the perfect vehicle for an abusive deadbeat with a drug problem. Isn't he dreamy!?

Then just when I begin practicing my signature using his last name, he takes our relationship on a brief hiatus to date a much older 1949 Cadillac Series 62 Fastback Coupe in dark tan and brown. He calls her Plain Jane but I actually think her beauty is much more subtle in a classier sort of way. Even I approve.

But then Peter takes this bro-mance to a whole 'nother level and dolls up that old plain Jane and revisits one of the first builds that put me on the map...Bad Apple. Ahh look at chopped sloping roof and that snarling grille...and that lowered stance! It really takes me back. This can only mean trouble.

Peter gave me the old "it isn't you, its me" speech. Restraining orders have been served. By law, I am no longer allowed within 5 miles of Peter nor am I allowed to burn my name on his lawn in gas anymore. He has moved on but is now dating someone that sort of reminds him of me, a little bit. She's a '56 Lincoln Futura and as we all know later becomes the Batmobile. I'm pretty OK with it. He's made a good decision.

Segueing into Tim Inman's maniacal Green Goblin-faced White Western Star 4800 from "Maximum Overdrive" means no longer writing like a woman scorned. Which is good. Now I can go back to writing like myself...which is like...I don't know, sunshine and rainbows or something. I got to see this behemoth monster in person at BrickCon. It is balls-out awesome!

I also got to see Lego Junkie in person at BrickCon...apparently. He didn't really introduce himself to me, but asked something along the lines of...can I put this right here? I'm like...yeah, yeah whatever. Then I went on to finish a discussion about bad management or something. I totally missed the chance to shake his hand. But his awesome Black Widow has surely left a lasting impression.

Speaking of lasting impressions, NKubate once again does what he was born to do...mod out set number 5867. This time in the form of a Ferrari 250 Testa Rossa for challenge 59: "Nifty fifties - Daddy-O" as this car came out in 1958 and challenge 29: "Lemons or Le Mans" as this car was a dominant player during that era at Le Mans.

Next up, Lino Martins. I had the aforementioned move this month so I had to scale down my usual offerings and redo,incidentally, the same old red and blue '32 Roadster Peter picked out. This model was sent to Josh Hanlon of Beyond The Brick and can be seen in the background of all their interviews now. Sweet!

Infraredbrick tells us the BRE Datsun 510 satisfies both the Super 70's Sensation and the Redo and Redemption categories, thereby saving us from certain head exploding doom and making it super 70's cool at the same time. It also includes power functions and some crazy-ass steering. Now that is what LUGNuts is all about!

1971 Datsun 510 BRE w/ PF

You know what else LUGNuts is all about? Firing a shotgun into the air while balls deep in a squealing hog. That and overhauling really old official LEGO sets. In this case, LegoExotics goes way back to 1975 with set #392, Hobby Formula 1. Ahhh, that takes me back. The F1 car, I mean...and not so much the squealing hog thing.

Lastly, LegoExotics comes back for an encore performance with this Ferrari 599XX EVO that satisfies the 58th Challenge Order By Numbers...a challenge that allowed for 10 sub-categories. In this case menu #7, "A vehicle to contend in the 2013 races". Is that all of them? Yes it is.

And on that bombshell, we satisfy this sixth birthday challenge. I think it went pretty well. These six years have been quite stellar thanks to you all, but so what does the future bring? Well, the immediate future is a challenge we appropriately called, "Take It To The Next Level"...all about cars, trucks, or bikes from video games. This ought to be a treasure trove of possibilities, considering that video game sales now gross higher than even the most popular books and movies. Will yours be the Spy Hunter car or a go-kart from Super Mario Kart? Only time will tell so you're going to have to stop by next month to see how we do. Thanks for making this the best LEGO car group in the history of the world ever. Here's to another year of total automotive awesomeness! See ya next time.

Wait...what? No, no...I'm done. What? Late entries? Who? Peter...again! No, no...I already wrote all the humor. The jokes work, they flow into each other well. I already did the Fatal Attraction bunny boiler thing with his entries. What am I to do, write even more jokes about restraining orders and burning my name in gas? No, I'm not writing more. No, I'm not going to tack them onto the end...that would be silly. Even I have writing standards. I already said bye and see ya next time. We did the thing with the link to the next challenge so we're good to go. Plus I'm already in the hot tub with a prosti... Wait...what? How many? WHAT?! Cripes! That's more entries than the whole challenge! No! No! NO! That would be like the end credits scene in a Marvel movie being longer than the actual movie! Hell no, I ain't writing any more! What kind of stupid crap does he have anyway? Another '49 Caddy with a slightly different colored roof? No, not going to write about it and that's final! What? A transformer? Some Hotwheels models? A Tuskagee airman tribute! The Ecto-1! OK, OK, admittedly those are all pretty damned cool. Alright, fine, I'll write about it. Ming Soo, get out of the hot tub and fetch me a rum nog and my writing slippers! Huh? I'm paying you by the hour, so what do you care?

Welcome to the special late-nite late entry edition of our Sixth Anniversary Roundup. Consider it like the 4 hours of bonus footage you get on some DVDs that only the most diehard of depraved geeks would watch. Since its a special late night edition, I could delve into extra late night potty mouth writing or it could totally suck, depending on how these things flow. OK, lets see what we've got on the slab.

When Peter hears you can build from any previous challenge in LUGNuts history, he takes it as an opportunity to build from every previous challenge in history. Here's a joke: Why did the chicken cross the road? Cuz of this Holden Sandman Panel Van for Super 70's Sensation. Look, I didn't say they were gonna be good jokes. I just got pulled from a hot tub and my fingers are all prune and my brain is a little soggy.

His first version got him plenty of accolades. So here's to hoping lightning strikes twice with this updated 2012 Camaro in Autobot Bumblebee guise for Redo and Redemption. Its the kind of car that begs the it love or is it just rough sex with Michael Douglas? Actually it asks no such question. By now I'm just stealing jokes from Mystery Science Theatre.

Here in the states when you have an emergency, such as taking a bowling ball to the goddamned nuts, you call 911. If you have a LEGO car emergency and need a shitload of cars built fast you call Peter. He was named after the Porsche 911 with "car one pictured here in murky green and owned by none other than the king of nothing comedy, Jerry Seinfeld.

Why have one Bumblebee when you can have a whole hive of them. Here are two more one bright blue, one metallic jade green both HotWheels replicas and both were exhibited at SEMA, thus satisfying A Baker's Dozen...all about baking bread and losing a hand. Or something.

There was a challenge that posted one question and one question only: If a mime farts in the woods, would anyone care? So naturally everyone built Toyota Tacomas. Here is Peter's version, a 2004 Toyota Tacoma Mk I Single Cab Pickup towing a trailer with a couple of offroad dirt bikes.

One of Peter's Fave challenges was Mad Motor Skills, all about building engines to go along with your car creations. It was a chance to build this glorious Ferrari engine shown actual size in relation to the 2013 Ferrari 458 Speciale. Yep. I bet you didn't know that. Ferraris have engines the size of elephants. Thats how they can go so fast.

This just in: Aliens from outer space want to eat your face! News at eleven, but first are you tired of the Jones constantly showing off their new cars? Well you can keep up with the Jones with the newest of the new in in the line of Studebaker Starliner Hardtops for 1952. This one in royal blue with a storm grey hardtop.

Keeping up with the Jones' was what made post-war America great. Everyone could afford the standard three car garage, one for mom, dad, and for weekend road trips. And each car was 22 feet of road hogging automotive excellence. But not so much for the super efficient Germans who knew nothing of reckless excess as evidenced by this 1955 Mercedes-Benz 190 SL Sportscar.

A long time ago I built a '57 Ford Ranchero with a portable mechanical bull beneath the bed cover. Engineering minded Peter reconstructs this no-bull version of my original light blue and white farm truck. He left out the bull as he probably knew it would be an engineering failure. Plus it reduces the incidents of tailgate concussions by stupid rednecks.

The engineering minded family man owns a 2012 Ford Mondeo Zetec Wagon in real life with lots of space for the kiddies and 1300 km per tank. So it only makes sense that he renders it in LEGO. I don't know, I think it needs more flames, crazy exhaust pipes and like a popcorn machine in the back. But what do I know? This is why I'm not a Ford engineer.

Seems LegoExotics wasn't the only one with set #392 on the brain as Peter also redesigns the old LEGO Formula One Racer, from the 1975 'Hobby; series of advanced models. Seen here are two versions; one with original Shell decals and the other the Tyrrell-Cosworth in Elf and GoodYear sponsorship.

Challenge 52, aptly named 52 Pickup, offered the opportunity to build either custom cars, trucks, or bikes inspired by card games...or any 1952 pickup. Peter, with "a stunning lack of imagination", to use his own words, opted for a '52 Ford F-100 in blue. Flames, crazy exhaust pipes and a popcorn machine in the back would solve that imagination issue. That and clown vomit on the roof.

Sometimes great things happen in history. The all African-American Tuskagee squadron of World War II Mustang P51B 'Razorbacks', deemed "The Red Tails" showed all the white fighter pilots how its done. Later, the Ford Motor Company released a limited edition 2013 Mustang 'Tuskegee Edition' in commemoration of the airmen. Peter builds them both, thus building his first non-car since before his voice cracked. Incidentally he also showed us all how a future challenge is done.

This just in! The aliens from outer space have just eaten the president's face while dipped in fondue cheese and using tiny forks. I freaking knew the aliens were Swedish! Also Everything Under The Sun was a challenge that showcased open air cars, so Peter showcases a two-tone 1957 Ford Fairlane Convertible.

Cars Too encouraged us to build vehicles with a face and no face is more tripadelic than that of Fillmore, the lovable VW microbus complete with slanty "dude, like my hand is so huge" eyes and a hippy-trippy free lovin' paint job. Just don't harsh his mellow by bogarting his stash, man.

Speaking of The Man, everything else the super efficient Germans produced was as lovable as a tax auditor. Take, for example, this 2014 Audi S6 Saloon in business-like tan. But just like my 2001 taxes, something must be amiss in Germany as apparently the doors are not the same length. I can't believe I got caught trying to claim a rainbow wig and a leather clown suit as a business expense!

What's great about America is its chock full of foreigners. That is why it is pretty awesome that this famous lowrider, customized by foreigners, is called American Woman. This LEGO version was also built by a foreigner. And an Australian, which means Peter's great-great-great-great grand-pappy was probably a hardened criminal who bit the heads off chickens. yep, that is my logical conclusion.

I'd crack a joke that this CLAAS Xerion 3800 Trac VC Four-Wheel-Drive tractor adds some much needed Claas to this place, but class has already gone out the window with the mention of eating the president's face dipped in fondue cheese and clown vomit on the roof.

If I were claiming frivolous shit on my taxes back in '49, I'd see the business end of this 1949 Ford 'Spinner' Woody wagon in Police livery. I'd also be the baddest mamma-jamma ever to walk The Green Mile...right before they fry my head with 50,000 volts.

Size Matters was a challenge that made most of us guys feel uneasy, while about 10% smiled knowingly. It also offered the distinct challenge of buildings vehicles in more than one scale. In this case, Peter pounds out the VW bus in LEGO original Creator scale, 911-standard Miniland (1:21), MotorCity (1:28) and the wee Hotwheels size 1:43.

Then later Peter pulls the same stunt with a pink and white 1956 Packard Caribbean Hardtop and then again with the azure and white 1955 Caribbean Convertible.

God Save the Queen looked to the British Isles for automotive inspiration and nothing is more inspiring than the Rolls-Royce 20HP from 1925 shown here in awesome dark green. Jolly good, mate!

Peter's criminal great-great-great-great grand-pappy rode around in gangster style in this interesting historical artifact from the early days of Australia's motoring, the Australian Motors Lincoln 'Six' Tourer from 1919. It was built for the Kickin' It Oldschool challenge.

One of my fave challenges of all time was Lemons or LeMans where either a shitbox or an ultimate racing car can be built. Peter made the easy choice with this 1962 Aston Martin DB4 GT Zagato Racer. Mmm, pretty!

Whats worse than a hive full of bumblebees in your garage? A hive full of hornets in your garage. That would suck, actually. Unless said hornets are of the fabulous Hudson Hornet variety as built for The Animal Kingdom challenge...all about vehicles with animal names.

A Galaxie of Possibilities didn't get much love the first go around (strange considering the Galaxie rated as having the biggest back seats for wham blame, thank you ma'am.) so Peter shows some love with this Ford Galaxie Magic Cruiser concept.

This just in. A recent Texas obituary ends in the phrase "right in the goddamned nuts". More at eleven. But first Peter builds another 1966 Galaxie to NASCAR stock car specification, as driven by A.J. Foyt. It won the full-sized championship in 1965.

Peter shows plenty of love for me and for Ralph by rebuilding this Ralph built classic custom 1951 Mercury Lead Sled built for me. What I meant to say...its all very complicated. First there was me. Then Ralph built for me. Then Peter built for me and for Ralph. Never mind, just enjoy it!

In other news, smoking hot photos of your mom just hit the internet. Keyword: "milf gone nuts" for more details. But first, Peter builds the VF Commodore, potentially the last man standing in the RWD Australian Family car. Here shown in Calais Sedan, Calais Wagon and SS Sedan editions.

In related news tonight a Fredericks of Hollywood size 38D front clasp bra was found behind a Seattle area dumpster. Peter also builds his father-in-law's favorite car, his 1985 Ford Taurus wagon. A car so crap, that nonetheless refused to die.

Challenge 18 - At the Races - open to any racing car from any racing series, shown here is the BMW 3.0 CSL Racer, and the first of the BMW Art Cars, painted by Alexander Calder, from 1975. Its like someone sneezed color swatches all over it.

Play that Funky Music - makes us listen to tunes for inspiration. In this case the artist known and formerly know as Prince's 'Little Red Corvette' is a 1957 Corvette convertible, in 'little' MotorCity 1:28 scale. He was also formerly known as Prince Rogers Nelson.

In other news tonight a masochist dog likes being paraded around the whole damned neighborhood on a leash while naked. Also the spooky 13th Challenge - Fear and Loathing summons all our fears. Here represented by a common phobia - spider, the delectable '08 Alfa Romeo 8C Spider.

Some people fear spiders. Clint Eastwood fears young Asian guys in the movie Gran Torino. He shows he's an outdated old dinosaur by clinging to old prejudices while Peter shows he's an old dinosaur by building the '72 Gran Torino for the Show Your Age challenge.

In other news tonight, the entire 1st grade class hates Brad Armell for allegations of being a fatty fatty boomba-laddy. But first, Peter claims his fame with the balls-out awesome 1959 Cadillac Miller-Meteor Ambulance conversion used as 'Ecto1' in the Ghostbusters.

Were Gran Torinos cool in the 70's? They must have been as Peter rolls out not one, but two Gran Torinos, this time the flashy red and white '74 Torino from the Starsky and Hutch series. The 70's were all about car chases, squealing tires and sideburns, baby!

And finally, hellbent on not letting Peter take all the late night, late entry glory, AadenH finishes us off and squeezes out one last entry, a '03 Honda S2000 AP1. This satisfies Challenge 64- Mad Motor Skills, with its removable F20C, challenge 45-Everything Under the Sun, and Challenge 35-Big In Japan.

Alright. Is that all of them? I think it is. If anybody else has anymore late entries I swear I'm gonna shit a brick! So lets once again finalize this shindig and introduce next month's challenge. Its called, "Take It To The Next Level," and its all about video game cars, trucks, and bikes. Will yours be the Spy Hunter car or a go-kart from Super Mario Kart? Wait...did I use that already? OK, then. Will yours be Sweet Tooth's Sinister Ice Cream Truck from Twisted Metal or will it be pixilated racer from Pole Position? You'll just have to tune in again next month to see. Now where was I? Oh, right! Ming Soo, now where did you go? Hello? You still here? Awww crap, she took my wallet!


Ali said...

Love your blog Thanks for sharing.

Jason Tyler said...

Long post but worth it, these lego cars are so awesome! It's incredible what people can create with the randomest materials

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Ikwan S said...

nice sharing, although the long post :)

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